


Choose Me and Stay

by Justaillusion (sj2288)



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, First Love, Gallavich, Love Triangles, M/M, Returning Home, Romance, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:21:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 42,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1643606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sj2288/pseuds/Justaillusion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian is getting Married to a Senator, and Mickey needs to convince him to choose him instead.</p><p>Based very loosely on The Notebook </p><p>An au where Ian never returned after leaving in 3x12</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let Him Go

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Shamless fic. So sorry if they're a little OOC. I watched the Notebook and got this little idea. So here it is! I have been obsessed with this couple lately, and needed to write something. I know I'm a shit writer, but whatever just please be nice. This has no beta so all the mistakes are mine. 
> 
> The chapter title is based on Let Him Go by Julia Sheer! I'm going to try and make each chapter be titled after a song I feel goes with the story. 
> 
> oh and unfortunately none of these characters belong to me blah blah blah

Mickey can't help but stare at that offending object that used to be his television. As he downs another beer. It's been a good week now since he launched that vodka bottle through it, and now it's broken just like everything else in his miserable life. He should get another one since he's getting paid tomorrow,but what would be the point? He would probably just end up breaking that one too.

He should wait until after the wedding. After they stop talking about it on every damn channel! Then maybe he wouldn't get so mad and throw something at it. He understands it's a big fucking deal. So that's why the media wont shut up about it. An openly gay politician is getting married, whoopie fucking doo! He thinks part of him might actually be happy for the guy; if it wasn't for the fact that he was marrying Ian, _his Ian!_ He opens an other beer and downs in one long gulp .

He doesn't even stir when he hears a car pull up outside. Why should he? Whoever it is will know how to find him. After a moment or so he hears a knock on the door. He attempts to ignore it. He doesn't feel like seeing anybody right now, but then a familiar voice accompanies the knocking. 

“Anybody home?” His mouth falls open, and for a second he doesn't know what to do. He just stares at the door questioning if he's just so drunk he's imagining things. Then the voice comes again followed by more knocking.

“Hello?” Mickey tosses his beer can aside and makes his way over to the door, opening it slowly. The smile that meets him makes him take a couple steps backwards. His hair is darker, it's more Auburn, and a little longer. His freckles are pretty much non existent, and skin a couple shades darker. Still the green eyes that looked at him were still the same, and the smile that greeted him was just as bright as before. He was no longer the boy Mickey remembered, but he was still unmistakably Ian. 

Mickey is so shocked at seeing him there, that all he can do is gawk at him, dumbfounded. 

“Hey Mick” greets Ian with an awkward wave.

Mickey takes a step forward

“Ian, shit it is you”

Ian shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

“Didn't think I looked that different”

Mickey shakes his head trying to clear his mind. 

“Nah, just surprised you know.”

Ian, nods and looks around restlessly. 

“Uh, Mandy doesn't live here anymore” Mickey tells him not knowing what else to say. 

Ian smiles shyly 

“I know I was the best man at her wedding. Which you would have known if you actually showed up. I didn't come here for her. I came to see you.” he answers seriously.

Mickey can't help but be a little taken aback by Ian's words. He was there to see him, really? As for the wedding Mickey was there,but he stayed in the back. He wasn't going to miss his sisters wedding, but he also didn't want to deal with the Gallagher's, and he was too afraid to talk to him. So he just watched from the back, where he was safe. It was that day, and when he followed Ian back to California that Mickey had last seen Ian until now.

Mickey continues to stare at him expressionless. As Ian waits for him, expectantly. After a few minutes with no response, Ian starts to back away.

“I'm sorry this was a mistake. I should go” He turns and begins to walk away. 

Mickey takes a deep breath trying not to lose it and reaches out towards him.

“No wait” He yells stopping him. Ian turns eyes meeting his. 

“Uh, you want a beer or something?” Mickey asks.

Ian's eyes light up and he smiles at him. 

“Sure”

Mickey turns abruptly and walks into the house towards the refrigerator. He grabs two beers, one for Ian and another for himself before making his way back into the family room. He finds Ian looking around the place amazed like he's never seen the place before. 

Mickey forces a smile and hands Ian his beer, before opening his own and taking a big swallow. 

“Looks like nothing's changed” Ian muses.

You have, Mickey thinks but doesn't say it out loud. Ian's eyes turn on him, eying him with curiosity.

“Except maybe you”

Mickey starts to flush, completely caught off guard when his own thoughts are directed back at him. 

“What do you mean?” he asks rubbing at the back of his neck. 

Ian grins and takes a seat on the couch. 

“You're not so dirty for one”

“Part of growing up I guess” Mickey answers taking a seat on the couch too, but far enough that he doesn't actually touch him. 

He notices the moment Ian sees the TV. 

“Oh and that, what happened?” he asks.

Mickey shrugs “got drunk ,you know” Ian nods, but Mickey knows he can't really know. 

Then Mickey does something stupid. He knows he shouldn't bring it up. It would only make things more awkward, but part of him needs to hear Ian admit it. 

“So” Mickey starts saying feeling uncomfortable, and scratching at his chin “I heard you were marrying some gay politician or some shit.”

There's a long beat and then Ian answers “Yes I am” a strange look crosses his face.

For some reason, Mickey takes this opportunity to inch closer. Ian turns to him and their eyes meet, and they seem to drink each other in. Abruptly Ian straightens and Mickey averts his gaze. 

“So what are you doing here?” Mickey questions. 

Ian glances at him a trace of sadness in his eyes, and takes a breath as if trying calm himself. 

“I needed to remember” 

Mickey's eyes narrow “remember what?” 

Ian glances at him, and for a moment he looks into his eyes. Then looks away.

“you” he answers quietly. Mickey doesn't understand what that means, but if it was bad would he be here? Without even realizing it Mickey finds himself moving closer.

Ian looks at him shocked. "Why?" Mickey asks and then he's closing the small gap between them until without any warning the door opens, and they jump apart. 

“Hey shithead where's —” Mandy stops in her tracks when she notices them, and stares at them in disbelief. Mickey shoots her an irritated look. Recovering, she clears her throat and starts to speak.

“Ian I thought we were meeting at my place to make wedding plans” she asks confused and gives Mickey a specific look at the word 'wedding' .

Ian stands to embrace her and kisses her on the cheek.

“We are, I just wanted to come visit Mickey”

She looks back and forth between them, and then fixedly on Ian. Her mouth starts to open to ask why, but she shuts it quickly. Pauses and then “Oh well, I just have something to get. Whenever you're ready we can just meet at —” Ian stops her.

“It's fine, I was just about to leave. I'll meet you outside ” He gives Mickey a smile, and Mickey feels like the world is colliding on him again. “It was nice seeing you again Mick.” He says “Maybe I'll see you around.” 

“Yeah”, Mickey mutters back, and with one last bitter smile. Ian heads for the door. Mickey's eyes can't help but follow him wistfully.

Mandy closes the door behind him. When she looks back at Mickey she grimaces at the pained expression on his face.

“You know he's getting married right?” she tells him angrily.

“Yeah so” Mickey tells her.

“So you're not going to say something?”

Mickey looks at her and scowls.

“Like what? What do you expect me to say? Ditch the rich dude and come back and be poor with me?”

Mandy walks over and sits next to him, worry knitting her brow.

“Who knows maybe he will, and you're not even poor anymore.” Mickey shakes his head and slumps with disappointment.“That's just stupid” She elbows him

“No, you're stupid for not doing anything!”

He sighs, there is no use, but he can't stop thinking about what nearly happened before Mandy interrupted them. Was he really about to kiss Ian? Would Ian have stopped him if he did? Who knows, all he knew right now is he is going to need some much stronger alcohol than beer.

* * *

Mandy flicks through pages of the magazine frowning, before throwing it at the wall.

“All of these would look terrible on me! I can't believe you're getting married while I look like this!” she pouts. 

Ian stares at her as she glances down at her round belly disapprovingly.

“You look beautiful!” he assures her, She shrugs “Whatever! Where's his stupid father anyway? LIP!” She calls. After a couple minutes Lip pops his head in staying a clear distance from his wife. “What?” he asks.

“I'm hungry” she whines “Yeah so, what's new?” he answers. She grabs a pillow from the head of the bed and launches it at him. “Stop being an asshole, and go get me some food” Lip puts his hands up in defeat.

“Okay, okay I'm going” he starts to leave. “Wait you didn't even ask what I wanted” she complains. 

Ian watches as Lip slips back into the room, and rolls his eyes as the two continue to go at it. After a few minutes, Mandy tries to lay down beside him before giving up with a exasperated sigh, and settles on sitting beside him with her legs crossed. “I feel like I'm going to explode” she moans with a grunt. “Only two months left to go.” He says grinning over at her. She swats at him. Not actually being able to reach him.

“Don't remind me. I just want this thing out of me” she emphasizes just that by pushing at her belly like she could just push the baby out.

“Remember that "thing" is my nephew” he reminds her, but is still too busy grinning at how cute and miserable she looks. 

He almost wants to laugh on how different she takes pregnancy than Fiona. For Fiona, it was all sunshine and rainbows, and she acted like being pregnant was the best thing in the world. Earning herself a lot of eye rolls and snide comments from Vee.

Mandy peers down at her belly still a little irritated, but a tad fondly as well.

“Yeah, you know I think I'm already starting to love the little stinker!” 

“Yeah” Ian say's sitting up “They say babies would do that to you” 

She grins then grabs the closest paper to her. Mouth hanging open as she reads it “you have over a thousand guests here!” He takes the paper from her and glances at it himself. “guess I do”

“fuck, and look at all of this.” She grabs paper after paper in bewilderment.

“This guy is really putting out for you! So when do I get to meet Prince Charming?” she questions conspiratorially. She has no difficulties sharing her doubts with him. She thinks Christian seems too perfect to be true. He wasn't perfect, Ian knows that. He's a politician after all, but he's Ian's. He thinks she's just mad she's the only one who hasn't met him yet. At least she talks to him on the phone. 

“Uh —” he begins to answer and suddenly realizes he really doesn't have an answer. 

His life is crazy right now! It was easier when they were just dating and Christian was still in the closet, but now he's a senator and their engaged. Everything changed so fast! Now their whole life was watched, and Christian couldn't just sneak away like he used to do when he met the rest of his family. Then there's the problem of Mandy being pregnant. So he can't exactly take her to him. He laughs to himself, when did his biggest problem become finding a way for Mandy to meet Christian before the wedding?

For the longest time, he lived life by the moment. When Christian took an interest in him; Ian never expected things to go so far. It all began while Christian was running for election. Ian's friend Kat persuaded him to join her in campaigning for him. They made posters, made phone calls, encouraged people to vote on the street. Ian loved feeling so compassionate about something. For so long his life meant nothing and he was actually having fun, but never expected to actually meet the guy, but then Christian visited their campaign headquarters one day. At first Ian found himself amused on how attracted he was to him. Yeah, he always found the guy nice to look at, but this was different. No matter how amazing he seemed in public, he was even more so up close. He was as shocked as everyone else when Christian had taken him aside and asked if he was interested in having coffee with him, but he hid it well. That's kind of how it all began. 

At one point he had expected it all to end. He doesn't know what changed, but all of a sudden there were pictures of them in all the magazines and the papers, and the media kept trying to force Christian to speak on his sexuality. So yeah around that point Ian expected to be dumped. He's been with guys not ready to come out of the closet before, and for Christian it could have destroyed his whole election. He had expected Christian to dismiss the rumors, and drop Ian for some women he could pretend he was dating. He found himself being so paranoid that he actually forgot that Christian, who he drove crazy for months would never do that to him. Maybe part of him thought he should, because he knew Christian deserved better then the bullshit he put him through. So with all these bad thought's going through his mind he was stunned that Christian actually proposed ending all his paranoia, and for the first time in a long time as he said yes he felt he was truly letting go of Mickey and his past life, but he wasn't. 

That's one of the reason's he was here now. To see Mickey and remember why they never worked out. To remember the pain Mickey caused him. "To begin his future" his therapist told him "first he had to confront and fully let go of his past." Somewhere in his messed up mind he always imagined himself eventually going back home and practically begging Mickey Milkovich to give him another chance. Mickey, damn Mickey! He never imagined his love life leading anywhere, but right back to Mickey. 

He looks over at Mandy and wonders if he should tell her he had almost let Mickey kiss him today. How would she take it if he did? Would she actually be happy and want him with her brother or would she think he was being stupid? Everyone else would. The day after they got engaged Christian held a press conference and admitted he was gay. He didn't talk about the engagement and didn't mention Ian. Not wanting Ian to feel like he was using the engagement for advancement. He told everyone he was tired of living a lie and wanted everyone to know that yes he's gay, but that he wasn't going to back down. That people should look beyond someone's sexuality and judge them by their character and accomplishments. A month later he was elected senator. Ian never expected to marry a Senator. He was just some poor kid from Chicago. So to everyone this was like some kind of fairytale. So should he really tell Mandy that he almost messed that up? Would she understand? He decides to stay quiet on the matter because nothing happened and he grabs another stack of magazines and places them in front of her. 


	2. You are the piece of me I wish I didn't need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey want's Ian to ditch his Fiancee, Ian doesn't know what to do, and Lip is doesn't know what he's talking about when it comes to Ian and Mickey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for these short chapters they will get longer as soon as I sort out everything in my head. I know where I'm heading,but where to place everything and when to add it is the problem. So just be patient with me please!
> 
> Chapter title from Clarity by Madilyn Bailey ft. Clara C.

Terry had died a few years’ earlier. He ended up pissing off the wrong set of guards and got his head bashed in. Mickey wanted to care, he really did, but he couldn’t. One good thing that came out of it all was they were able to get a fat wrongful death settlement from the state. His brothers took their shares and did fuck knows what with them, Mandy had her wedding and got her house, and as for Mickey he made the youth center.

The youth center actually made him feel like he had a purpose in life. They took in kids that grew up with just as shitty lives as his own, and gave them a place they could escape to. He would have to admit a lot of it had to do with Ian. At first it was just to own something that was special to them, but then he wanted to show Ian he could be better. He could be a guy Ian could be proud to be with, but that all went to shit a few weeks ago when he found out Ian was getting married. He has avoided the youth center ever since, and spent most days getting wasted.

The center was built at the old abandoned building he and Ian had used to escape to themselves. So right now all he could think of while he was there was Ian. He had no idea when he will ever go back. He owned the damn place he didn’t need to be there anyway.

He decides he needs to talk to someone so he dials the first number that comes to his mind. It only takes two rings before Jessie answers.

**Jessie:** “Mickey, where the hell have you been?”

Jessie had become one of his closest friends. She was also one of the craziest people he had ever met. She had long wavy brown hair, wore dark clothes, had more eyeliner than anybody should ever wear, and was covered in tattoos and piercings. She also had a life almost as fucked up as his.

**Mickey:** “I uh —” he pauses and thinks of an answer, before settling on what he assumes best describes his situation. “Relationship issues”

**Jessie:** “Uh since when have you been in a relationship? I haven’t seen you in three weeks and all of a sudden you’re seeing someone?” She sounds confused, but also a little hurt as well.

**Mickey:** “No, it’s not like that, Ian showed up at my house earlier.”

He hears her gasp on the other side of the line. As soon as Jessie started working at the youth center it didn’t take long for her to find out he was gay. She had told him she had amazing gaydar, and kept telling him he was gay until he admitted it to her. Not long after that he told her about Ian. He had to, because he needed to talk to someone about Ian. Okay he could have talked to Mandy, but she was Ian’s best friend and blamed Mickey for him leaving in the first place. So it would've been weird.

 **Jessie:** “Ian! Really? What the hell happened? Details now!” she pushes.

He rubs a hand over his face, and tries to blink back the haze of the alcohol already making him tipsy.

**Mickey:** “It was” he groans. “A fucking disaster”

His head falls back hitting the top of the couch.

**Jessie:** “Oh, what happened? “She questions softly.

He grunts

**Mickey:** “Nothing, nothing fucking happened! That’s the fucking problem. I think I almost kissed him.”

**Jessie:** “Fuck”

**Mickey:** “Yeah”

He was beginning to drown, but he should speak to someone about this, before he was too intoxicated to remember. Maybe he should talk to Ian. Yeah that sounded good, talk to Ian and make it all better!

**Mickey:** “He’s getting married Jessie, fucking married! I don’t know what the fuck to do about it. I think I should talk to him.”

There’s a lengthy pause and then a horrified

**Jessie:** “You don't mean right now do you?“

**Mickey:** “better now then never right?”

**Jessie:** “ No,no,no,you can't! Not right now! You're drunk I can hear it! This isn’t the time to talk to him! “

He ignores her having already made up his mind , and was heading towards the door. 

**Mickey:** “I have to" he tells her before ending the call.

He catches her yell something as he does so, but doesn't understand what. Not even a minute later she's calling back, but he ignores it and makes his way around the block to his sister’s house.

* * *

He slams through the kitchen door.

“Yo, Mandy”

Within seconds, Mandy is there shoving him towards the door.

“No, not now!” she hisses.

He shrugs her off. What the hell is this bitch’s problem? All he wants to do is talk to Ian. What’s the big deal? For all she knows he could be just wanting to check up on her. Making sure she wasn’t going into labor or some shit.

“Fuck off, is Ian here?” he asks.

She begins forcing him towards the door again.

“Yes asshole, and that’s why you have to leave. Try coming back when you’re sober.”

He forces her off.

“What the fuck, I _AM_ sober.” Lip was there then, and bends towards him.

“Man, get the fuck out of here, seriously.”

He stares around, as if anxious Ian would overhear them.

“IAN!” Mickey yells, shouldering past Lip.

Ian appears a top of the stairs and looks down at him “Mickey?” he says confused as he stares at him.

Mickey takes a step forward and then nearly loses his nerve.

“I need to talk to —” Mickey starts, but suddenly the world turns black.

* * *

Ian and Lip both hoist Mickey up and carry him to the guest room. That happens to be just across the hall from Ian’s own room. Mickey had passed out downstairs just minutes before, repeating that he needed to talk to Ian a few times before he was out for good.

They lay him on the bed, and he immerses himself into the pillows.

“This happen often?” Ian inquires looking around and seeing Mickey already had a few of his things there.

Lip shakes his head.

“Sometimes, but usually not like this. Sometime he's just here late hanging out or something.”

Ian nods and turns at the sound of Mandy’s voice from the doorway.

“Idiot” she scoffs and turns to leave as lip pats Ian on the back and goes to her, wrapping one arm around her shoulders.

“Get some sleep man” lip tells him and they leave.

Ian starts to leave as well, but he wasn’t used to seeing Mickey so vulnerable. So he wanders over to where Mickey is laying and can’t help but reach out and run his fingers through his hair.

“Ian” Mickey mumbles. Ian stiffens thinking he’s been caught, but Mickey doesn’t say anymore. Only moves a little closer to him and falls deeper into sleep.

Ian goes back to his own room and tries to go to sleep, really he does, but he can’t. In the morning, he will tell himself he just needed to be there to make sure Mickey was all right, but for now as he crawled into bed beside Mickey who snuggles into him as soon as he lies down, he only knows for some weird reason he needs to be near him.

* * *

Mickey might feel like crap, but some piece of him also feels a little good, but a weird good. Like something good had happened, but he can’t remember what that was. While he dreamed, he dreamed of Ian like he has every night for the past few weeks, but this was different. He could smell Ian. He could feel his arms around him. He swears he could almost still feel him, but as he woke up he was alone, and he understood it had to be just a dream. It’s not long after that, that he realizes that he’s at his sister’s house.

“Fuck” he groans burying his head in his hands. What the hell had he done?

Ian comes in with some weird looking drink and a piece of toast, being careful to be quiet. When he sees Mickey awake he kind of starts in surprise, but settles for a smile.

“Morning sleepy head” he greets giving him the food.

Mickey peers down at the drink like it's going to bite him.

“What the fuck is this?”

Ian chuckles sitting beside him. Mickey almost shifts closer, but he doesn’t.

“Partying in the city teaches you some tricks to deal with hangovers.”

Mickey takes a tentative sip, and spits it out.

“This tastes like shit!” he holds the drink away from him and stares at it like it's the sickest thing he’s ever seen.

Ian laughs some more, and Mickey closes his eyes just to listen to it, and savor it. When the hell did he get so gay? Oh yeah! It was when he fell for this jackass, eight years ago!

Mickey places the drink on the table. Then reaches out and grabs Ian’s hand as he goes to stand up. Ian looks down at his hand in Mickey's and then to Mickey' face. If only he knew what he is thinking.

Mickey wonders if he hadn’t married Svetlana, if Terry had never caught them, if he would’ve asked him to stay. That maybe he would be the one Ian was marrying instead. He starts to open his mouth to express this somehow to Ian, but Ian speaks first.

“Why didn’t you ever come after me? I know what you said, and I didn’t expect you to, but I still wanted you to!”

Mickey stands and grabs him behind the neck and presses their lips together. Ian lets out a startled gasp but doesn't pull away and after hesitating for a moment gives in. The kiss is a mess, wet, sloppy, but hot. They both moan as years of pent-up frustration flows out. Then Ian is pushing him away and breathing hard.

“I'm sorry, I can’t,” he tells him, and then tries to leave, but Mickey yanks him back, both of them still breathing erratically “Fuck yes you can,” he says before kissing him again. This time it takes Ian a bit longer to give in, but when he does they kiss more passionately, but just as desperate. Ian tries to talk between kisses “Mickey” Mickey kisses his jaw “really I can’t” Mickey reclaims his lips, biting his bottom lip wanting Ian’s so-called fiancée to know, that Ian belonged to him. He runs his hands under Ian’s shirt and Ian lets out an audible gasp as Mickey’s mouth starts working on his neck, needing to touch him and mark him everywhere he can.

“MICKEY!” Ian shoves him back hard this time and it takes him a minute to realize Ian had been trying to get him to stop for a while now.

"What the hell Mickey?" he questions “What the hell was that? Is this your way of avoiding my question?

Mickey runs a hand through his hair already a mess from Ian’s fingers only a moment before and is a little pissed because although Ian clearly kissed him back, now he's acting like Mickey attacked him or something.

“No, I wasn’t trying to avoid your question, I just wanted to kiss you. ”

If Ian is shocked by that statement he doesn't show it. He only scrutinizes him expectantly.

“What?” Mickey questions not really sure what the hell he’s waiting for.

“You said you weren’t avoiding my question”

“sooo?”

“I’m guessing that means you have an answer.”

Mickey did have an answer, but it was embarrassing, and he’s not sure he’s ready to tell it to Ian yet, but he knows he ought to.

“Okay fine” he says, and tries not to look at Ian, eventually he sighs.

“I did go after you, okay! Just like everyone else I looked everywhere for you. I stalked Mandy’s texts! I searched your old house! I even asked anybody that knew you if they had heard from you, or knew where you were. Then you know what? You showed back up into everyone else's lives, but mine. Then I found out where you were, but do you know what I found Ian? I found you already with him.”

Ian gives him the strangest look and then starts pacing back and forth looking like he's about to lose it.

“How long?” he finally asks

“What?”

“How long did it take you to come and look for me? Were you still with her? Was your father still alive?”

The _her_ he was referring to was Mickey’s _‘ex’_ if that is what you call someone you were never really with and eventually got annulled from. Mickey doesn’t know, but he also doesn’t know why this matters.

“Why does it matter? I said I looked for you and I did!”

"Because I'm getting married!" 

Mickey sees now that even after kissing him and admitting the truth nothing has changed. 

“But you don't have to! Jesus Christ Ian you just kissed me! So don't try to act like you don't still want me as much as I want you, because I know you do. So stop pretending already and call off the wedding!” 

By the hard look Ian gives him he knows he probably just fucked everything up. 

"You don't understand anything! You act like this is so easy. Like I could just come back to you like nothing happened." 

“Do you love him?” Mickey asks. 

"Yes" Ian answers without even hesitating. Of course he does he's marrying the guy,but it still felt like someone had punched him in his gut. Making him realize that part of him wanted to pretend that Ian really wasn't marrying the guy out of love. 

"Then why are you here?" 

"To plan my wedding and visit my family" he answers matter-of-factly. 

Mickey really tries not to get mad, but he knows that Ian knew that wasn't what he was asking. 

"No why are you here right now with me?" 

Ian's quiet as if asking himself the same question. "I don't know" he finally says. 

Mickey shakes his head and grabs Ian twisting him so they are standing face to face.

“Do you love me?”

Ian let's out a pained sound, and that's answer enough for him. So he draws him into another kiss, before breaking away for the last time.

“Well, let me know when you figure out who you love more!” he tells him, before reluctantly letting him go and leaving the room.

* * *

Ian finds Lip in the living room watching TV and takes a seat beside him

He tries to think of the best way to ask without sounding —” Like what? That he still cared about Mickey. That Mickey didn't just make him rethink everything he thought he knew? 

“Did you know Mickey was looking for me?” he finally manages to ask.

Lip glances at him and shrugs his shoulders

"I heard something like that." he replies

"How long?"

“Mandy said it was for awhile. I guess before we were.”

Ian takes the remote away from Lip shutting off the television

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Because Ian, Mickey is poison, and I knew you could do better.”

He hates how Lip always decided what he thought was best for him. Did he ever really understand anything?

“That wasn’t for you to decide”

Lip gives him that look. The look he gives him, that makes him feel like a stupid kid, that doesn’t know any better.

“Maybe not, but I’m not sorry Ian! I wasn’t going to let you make that mistake. I know you have this vision in your head where you and Mickey were so in love, and that he was just misunderstood, but it isn’t real! Mickey used you for years, and treated you like shit! You should be happy I didn’t tell you about him, because who knows if you would've stayed with Christian, and if you didn't then you would've still been Mickey Milkovich’s bitch to fuck with however he pleases.”

Lip knew it was coming sooner or later, but is still startles him when Ian punches him. He laughs, blood bursting out of his mouth as he does so. 

“Did I just get punched over Mickey Milkovich?” he asks. 

“No, you got punched because you’re an asshole!” 

Lip shakes his head, but Ian was finished talking to him. There was no use in arguing about this. At least there shouldn't be. Ian needed to talk to somebody who would understand, but he had nobody except Mandy, but that might be weird. He gives Lip an irritated look and gets up to leave. 

“God Ian, you’re not already fucking him again are you?” 

Ian looks back and scowls. 

“What? No! Why would you even think that?” and more importantly who else thought that?

“Good keep it that way, because no matter what bullshit Mickey is feeding you, it just that, bullshit!”

Mandy walks in and looks at both of them "Shit what happened?" she asks after seeing the blood still covering Lips mouth 

"Oh nothing, just your brother trying to pull my brother back into his bullshit" Lip replies. 

Mandy looks at Ian expectantly, almost eager to hear more. 

"I'm going to Fiona's. Call me when Mickey gone okay?" He tells her. 

She nods and he leaves slamming the door behind him.


	3. I had so many dreams about you and me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey finally tells Ian what he means to him,and things are about to get complicated!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh so I had this finished not long after I published the last chapter,but I'm late posting it because I had to wait until after work to edit it.
> 
> Oh and there's sex in this chapter, but I'm shit at writing sex! So sorry if it's not too good. :( You have been warned!
> 
> The chapter title is based on White Horse by Taylor Swift, and is actually the first song actually featured in a chapter of the story. 
> 
> If you like the story I would really love comments or Kudos it makes me happy and motivated to write more. While nothing makes me want to tell stories to fuck off! So yeah do whatever you feel is best!

Ian was thankful he was busy helping putting baby furniture together because it kept him busy and he didn’t need to think about the Mickey problem. He hadn’t seen Mickey in a few days, but Mandy said he would be coming over after work to help them. So he knew he would have to see him soon.

He has had a lot of time to think about what Lip had said, and even though he knew he was right, part of it still nagged at him. Here he had this amazing guy who he loved and who loved him back, who treated him good, treated his family good. That was never afraid to kiss him or show anyone how he felt, and Ian was actually thinking of giving that all up for Mickey who was the complete opposite.

He grinned as his phone rang and he notices it's Christian. He didn’t know how badly he wanted and needed to talk to him until that moment.

 **Ian:** “Hey you” Ian answers.

 **Christian:** “Guess who just got off the phone with people magazine? And guess who they want as their sexiest man alive?” Ian begins laughing.

 **Ian:** "like your ego really needed that”

 **Christian:** “Don’t you see what this means? You’re going to be married to the sexiest man alive!” Ian laughs some more and collapses onto his bed.

 **Ian:** “Oh lucky me!” he sighs dramatically. “I miss you” it comes out as more of a whine than he had anticipated, but fuck it he did miss him, and he needed Christian to be here so he wouldn’t go running back to Mickey.

 **Christian:** "I miss you too!" he says turning serious. "So how is home sweet home?"

Ian snorts

 **Ian:** dysfunctional as always!

 **Christian:** Have you visited Frank yet?

 **Ian:** Hell no!

Mandy comes in the room and motions towards the phone.

“Is that Christian” she questions. Ian nods just as Mandy jumps to grab the phone out of his hand.

“Hey bitch” she answers, and then a second later giggles.

“No shit! Are you doing it?” she listens for a moment.

“You better!” After another minute, she laughs.

“Yes, dipshit I love it!. I have Lip, Ian and Carl putting it all together now and my brother should be here soon to help as well” Christian had bought Mandy all the baby furniture she could need, and had it delivered this morning. Her face turns solemn.

“Who Mickey? No, you don’t want to meet him.” Ian flinches at the thought. No Christian! Please do not ever meet Mickey!

There’s a slam of the downstairs door and loud footsteps heading up the stairs. Ian see’s Mickey enter the baby’s room. He decides to pretend he isn’t watching.

* * *

Mickey glimpses in Ian’s room seeing Ian sprawling on the bed next to Mandy who is sitting next to him on the phone.

Lip and Carl nod to him as he enters “What’s up man”

Mickey looks back towards Ian’s bedroom pointing his thumb in that direction.

“Why is Mandy acting like some dumbass school girl?”

Lip stops hammering and looks in that direction, where Mandy was now telling the person all the things she could do to them if she wasn’t pregnant. Wow, Mickey really doesn’t need that image in his head. Lip doesn’t even seem fazed about anything his wife is saying. Eventually, Lip shrugs.

“Oh it must be Christian”

Mickey glances back and forth confused

“As in Ian’s Christian?” he asks, and winces a little at himself for thinking of the guy as Ian’s Christian.

“Yeah dudes insane” Carl answers with a little chuckle. Like they were all in on some private joke Mickey would never understand.

With one last “Love ya, bitch” Mandy was shuffling back into the room. She sees Mickey.

“It's about time you got here! Look at all this stuff we have to put together!”

“You mean we have to put together” Lip corrects her.

Mickey starts picking at some of the stuff.

“How did you afford all this crap anyway?”

“Christian bought it," Mandy replies with a grin.

Mickey almost drops the shit right there. What the hell? Why is this guy buying his sister baby furniture?

* * *

Having seen Mickey, Ian shuts the door so he can’t overhear anything.

 **Christian:** So okay don’t get mad, but I rented us a place?

This confuses him.

 **Ian:** but we have a place, actually 3 places.

 **Christian:** No there in Chicago. So now we have 4.

Ian’s pulse races

 **Ian:** You’re coming here?

 **Christian:** I can’t get away until next month, but I was planning on it. I know how embarrassed you get, but it’s not like I haven’t seen your family or your old house before.

That was true, but Mickey didn’t know he was here before.

 **Ian:** Okay

Christian already had an whole argument planned not used to Ian giving into anything so easily, but stops in the middle of it. Which is good because he was really starting to make Ian flush, making him glad nobody could see him. 

**Christian:** Wait did you say okay?

 **Ian:** yeah it’s fine

Christian gives him the address and information on where to get the keys and everything, and he writes it all down, a few seconds later Christian has to go so they say their I love you’s and byes and hang up.

10 minutes later Ian is looking at the copy he had made of the address and his phone. Still questioning if he should go ahead with his stupid plan or not. Ultimately, he scrolls down to Mickey’s number he had taken from Mandy’s phone a couple days previous, and types out a quick text.

> Hey it’s Ian

He waits a minute then his heart jumps when he hears his message alert. He takes a breath and reads it.

> Gallagher?

He stares at it, types another text.

> Didn’t know you knew any other Ian's sorry.

Another minute, and then

> What the hell you apologizing for? I don’t

He writes back a fast

> Oh

And then types another fast message

> Can you come in here?

There are a couple minutes of nothing and then finally

> You make up your mind yet?

He sighs

> Just come in here,please!

After a few minutes he hears Mickey tell the others he’s taking a piss, and he sneaks into Ian’s room. Mickey stands at the door eyes digging into him, and Ian feels an intense urge to bolt. Instead, he goes over to the table and picks up the small paper he had copied the address on and walks over to hand it to him.

Mickey takes the paper from him and stares at it.

“What’s this?”

Ian clears his throat

“Christian rented it for me, for us, for when he comes into town next month”

He sees Mickey glimpse at the wall calendar and count the days, and then he turns to him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“You inviting me over for a sleepover Gallagher?”

Ian can't believe that Mickey actually remembers him asking that, and he really tries not to think about what came afterwards.

“More like a talk”

Mickey grimaces not so intrigued anymore.

“We have a lot to talk about, and this isn’t the right place to do it”

Mickey nods

“Fine, I’ll show up for your little talk, but if you think I’m leaving without —” Ian covers his mouth.

“Please”

Mickey takes Ian’s hand away and goes in for a kiss, but Ian moves out of the way before he can.

“You better come on before Mandy realizes how long you’ve been gone” Mickey tells him

Almost on queue they hear Mandy cry

“Where the hell is everyone?”

* * *

Ian was not intentionally watching, and Mickey wasn’t intentionally watching Ian, but their eyes kept finding each other for the rest of that afternoon. Ian would see Mickey bite his lip and think about how it had felt against his own. Mickey would watch Ian lift something and watch as his muscles strained against his shirt, and both were imagining their own scenarios of what they wanted to do with the others sweat; which involved a lot of licking and mingling.

Ian decides he really needs to leave before he lets something stupid happen while the others leave to get lunch. He didn't even notice that Mickey had left as well. He goes back into his room and falls down the wall. It takes a minute to realize Mickey is sitting on his bed watching him. Mickey shakes his head. 

“Getting too much for you?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Fuck you" Ian tells him.

Mickey lies down on the bed.

"Oh you will, whenever you wake up from whatever dream this guy has you in."

Ian gives him a sad look.

"Lip was right you really do just like messing with me."

Mickey sits up looking confused.

"What? What the hell does that mean?" 

Ian get's up.

"See you tonight Mickey. If you even show up." 

He leaves and Mickey sighs, why was he being so stupid?

* * *

Around 8 as Mickey made his way to the house, not a condo or anything reasonable, it was a fucking house! Mickey gaped at it for a second before getting out and heading for the door. As he did he heard a country song playing and he stopped for a minute to listen. Was that Taylor Swift? Jessie loved that shit.

He knocks on the door and Ian opens it holding a drink looking a little glassy eyed like he might be a little drunk. He opens the door wider and lets Mickey in, and closes it behind them before heading back to the radio and restarting the same song.

Now that Mickey was in the light he can see Ian better, and wonders if maybe he isn’t drunk at all. Has he been crying?

“Ian—”

Ian cuts him off.

“I had this roommate in California who was obsessed with Taylor Swift. She always played her music and dragged me along to concerts. One night I was feeling like shit and this song started playing. At first I was about to yell at her to turn it down, but then I listened to the words and it hit me really hard.

You know those songs that can describe what you are feeling? Even better than you can even describe it yourself? Well, this was my song,well actually our song! I played it over and over again for a year, and you don't know how bad I wanted the end to come true.

But you know what’s fucked up Mickey? it happened. I found someone who knows how to treat me well, but I still can’t give you up!”

Mickey walks over to the radio and restarts the song, and closes his eyes to listen.

_Say you're sorry_  
_That face of an angel_  
_Comes out just when you need it to_  
_As I paced back and forth all this time_  
_Cause I honestly believed in you_  


He shudders as hears the lyrics and realizing this is how he made Ian feel.

_Maybe I was naïve,_  
_Got lost in your eyes_  
_And never really had a chance_  
_My mistake, I didn't know to be in love_  
_You had to fight to have the upper hand_  


Mickey glances at Ian who sitting on the couch head bent between his knees and yes he’s crying.

_I had so many dreams_  
_About you and me_  
_Happy endings_  
_Now I know_  


He thinks the worst part of it all is listening to the lyrics that Ian told him he wanted to come true, and that actually did

_And there you are on your knees,_  
_Begging for forgiveness, begging for me_  
_Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry_

_Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale,_  
_I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well_  
_This is a big world, that was a small town_  
_There in my rear view mirror disappearing now_  
_And it's too late for you and your white horse_  
_Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now_  


He falls down on the chair as the song restarts, and wonders if he really does have a chance to get him back. If he even should.

Ian stands back up

“Sorry I know that was pathetic”

Mickey shakes his head

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m — I’m sorry I made you feel like that. Everything was so fucked up back then, and I was worried about Terry and I know I should’ve treated you better I just — I don’t know if I even knew how. I was just some stupid kid. I’ll understand if you go back to Mr. Wonderful , but I want you to know that I love you, I loved you since you were the only one who gave a shit that I went to Juvie, and maybe even a little before that”

Ian just looks at him for what feels like the longest time and then his mouth opens in shock

“You never told me that before.”

“Well you never said it either” Mickey shoots back at him.

“Because I thought you would kick my ass if I did”

Mickey smiles, but it has a hint of sadness

“No I wouldn’t have. I would have just threatened you”

Ian sits back on the couch.

“I used to love it when you did that or whenever you were jealous. Pretty fucking twisted huh?”

Mickey shakes his head again

“Nah, that's just who we were, you’ll say something gay, I’ll yell at you, or you would hook up with those other guys and I’ll kick their asses for touching you.”

Ian smiles sadly and looks back down at the ground.

“He’s never threatened me, He always says he loves me, the whole country knows we’re together, he treats me good, he treats my family good.”

Mickey stands up to leave

“Okay I get it! I don’t stand a fucking chance.”

Ian stands up and takes his hand. Mickey looks down at it.

“That’s the problem, you shouldn’t but still here we are. I didn’t love you because you were perfect. I loved you despite all your faults, despite all the pain. That day at the wedding I felt you chose her over me so I lost it, and I spent years trying to forget you, but I never could. That’s why I had to come see you the other day to see if I could. I was trying to remember the pain,trying to finally let you go, but as soon as you opened that door I knew I couldn’t, I can’t.”

Mickey runs his hands through Ian’s hair bringing their foreheads together. Ian takes a deep breath closing his eyes.

“Then please don’t! I’m not afraid to say it anymore I love you! I love you more than anything in this fucked up world! That’s why I did everything I could to find you. That’s why I drank myself stupid when I found out you were getting married. I know I’m shit, and I might not be that other guy, but he doesn’t know you like I do. We might not have the best life, but we’ll have each other.”

Ian raises his head and kisses him. Mickey yanks him down until their on the floor. Ian’s atop of him straddling him as he bends to meet Mickey’s lips. They kiss and devour each other. Not able to hold back their sexual frustration any longer. Ian’s hands are under Mickey’s shirt and they're searing his skin. Mickey’s back arches just enough that Ian can remove his shirt, and Ian’s nails scrape gently down Mickey’s stomach. As he looks at him like he’s never seen him before.

Mickey is tired of being the only who is partially undressed. So he strains up toward Ian enough that he can remove Ian’s shirt. He pulls Ian closer against him until Ian is practically on his lap. Mickey run’s his hands over Ian’s back placing his mouth to his shoulder and biting it. Ian winces a little but he’s too busy placing kisses on Mickey’s neck to even care.

“I love you” Mickey whispers against Ian’s skin as his mouth retraces the bite mark.

Ian recaptures his lips and they are kissing until they’re back on the floor. Mickey helps as Ian starts removing his pants and then they both go for Mickey’s. They toss them aside, but not before Mickey grabs his bottle of lube. Ian takes it and pours a small amount on his hand, but Mickey stops him.

“No preparation!”

Ian stares at him wide-eyed giving Mickey the chance to take the bottle of lube and put it on Ian himself. He runs his hand up and down until Ian is moaning and telling him to stop. Ian takes a breath and he raises Mickey by hips and holds him up until he’s inside him.

It really fucking hurts, but Mickey doesn’t care because he needed the pain. He wanted the pain to show him Ian was really there. That Ian was inside him. He never even thought about how it would feel to Ian until Ian mutter’s a quick

“Fuck,tight”

Ian closes his eyes waiting patiently until he notices Mickey start to relax, and then begins to move inside him. They didn’t have sex face to face often, but Mickey fucking loved it, but his old self would never admit that. The whole time they are holding onto each others eye’s only breaking long enough to grab and kiss at every piece of skin they can reach. Mickey loves how Ian’s body is flush against his, but how they still manage to look as if they are melting into each other. He grabs Ian and pulls him in deeper.

Ian reaches out and starts stroking Mickey making them break eye contact once more as Mickey’s head falls back, and it isn’t long before he’s coming into Ian’s hand, and Ian gives a satisfied grunt. So Mickey pulls him down close enough that he’s sucking and biting on Ian’s neck making Ian move faster until Ian is exploding inside Mickey.

Ian pulls out of Mickey and falls to the floor beside him. They both lay there side by side satisfied and panting, and Ian reaches out to wipe the damp hair from Mickey’s forehead. After a couple minutes, Mickey reaches out to pull Ian into another kiss.

“Fuck, I missed you” he says before their mouths are back together

* * *

After fucking at what seemed to be almost every inch of the front of the house they finally make it to the bedroom, and after another round they manage to fall asleep. Ian had always been the best Mickey had ever had, but he somehow seemed to get even more amazing, and Mickey really doesn’t want to think of all that being wasted on that guy or him even touching Ian. Although it still creeps up on him and he joyfully dreams of breaking that pretty face of his, until he feels Ian a top of him. He open’s one eye to find Ian no longer in the place he had left him the night before. Instead, he was behind him tracing his spine with his mouth.

Mickey tries to muffle the embarrassing sounds that keeps coming out of his mouth, but since the noises make Ian move down lower he thinks 'fuck it', and turns into a mess underneath Ian as Ian starts fucking him with his tongue.

Afterwards, Mickey tries to be lazy because he’s spent and sore, but Ian is bored so he jumps out bed.

“Where the fuck you going?” Mickey demands.

Ian starts stripping, when the fuck did he get dressed, because Mickey would’ve never allowed that. He starts stripping slowly so Mickey can see every muscle, and he’s not too manly to admit anymore that his mouth is watering a little, and he needs Ian back in that that bed as soon as possible. He stares at Ian until he finished, and Ian turns back to him with a crooked grin.

“Just taking a shower” Mickey suddenly realizes he had not fucked Ian in the fiancee's shower yet. So he heaves his way off the bed to do just that.

* * *

Within the last couple days, neither of them had hardly left the bed. Still Ian had managed to sneak a handful of calls to Christian while Mickey was sleeping. He knew what he was doing was wrong,but he couldn't stop. Every time he seen Christian or heard his voice he was overwhelmed with guilt, but other times as he watched Mickey sleep that guilt became less apparent. He also had many calls from his family where he had to assure them he was fine, just getting the house ready. They all wanted to see the house, but Ian only gave them half promises and tried to avoid the subject. Mickey, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have to worry about anybody bothering him, and that tended to upset Ian a bit.

So Mickey just disappears for a couple days and nobody cares? Not even Mandy calls him? He can't help but feel bad for Mickey. So when Mickey’s phone goes off he peeks as Mickey struggles to answer it. He groans, but not loud enough that he thinks it would wake up Ian, who he believes is still sleeping beside him.

“Fuck Jessie”

he answers.

Who the hell is Jessie?

“Yes I’ve been ignoring your calls”

Oh so he has been getting calls! Mickey listens for a bit.

“Okay bitch, calm the fuck down!”

Oh, it’s a girl or at least he thinks it is. That makes him feel better. Even if he really shouldn’t be jealous, being the one with the fiancée and all.

“No I’m not coming back to work”

Mickey takes a frustrated breath

“I’m sober, just busy”

He starts running his hand over Ian’s back.

“I don’t know for a while“

Mickey’s hand pauses.

“I’ll let you know when I decide to let you know”

He starts stroking Ian’s back again.

“I just have better things to do”

Ian tries, but fails not to snicker

“K bye”

Mickey’s mouth is at his ear, and He kisses the side of his head and pushes Ian’s head up until he’s facing him.

“I know you’re up, come on I’m missing work for your ass! We might as well make it worth it.”

* * *

After another few days of bliss life catches up with them. Mickey has to go into work for some emergency and Ian has plans to go shopping with Debbie. So they reluctantly had to leave the house. Mickey has to acknowledge he loved how good it felt to eat breakfast and kiss goodbye like any normal couple, even though he realized they were far from it, and soon life will come crashing down on them before he wanted it to.

Once at work after dealing with the so called emergency that wasn’t even an emergency at all, Mickey locks himself in his office until he gets his call from Ian to tell him that he’s home. Not having much else to do he opens google and types in Christian’s name. The country really did have a weird obsession with the guy like he was a movie star more than a senator.

He scrolls through the images looking for any that had Ian. Noticing how the guy shielded Ian from the attention, and how they looked at each other, and the more photos he looked at the sicker he got. Ian really seemed to be in love with this guy or the pictures just did a good job showing that.

He even sees a picture of the guy with somebody who looks a lot like Frank, but they are covering their face so he really can’t tell. Next Mickey goes back to the web and reads up on the guy. It’s good to know who he’s up against, and after an hour of this he feels like he's in way over his head.

* * *

Ian enters the building looking around wide eyed.

“Can I help you” asks the girl behind the desk, spinning so she’s facing him chin resting on her hands. He smiles at her. She was surprisingly pretty, and despite how she dressed she seems really friendly.

“Not really, I was just looking. I used to come here all the time when I was younger, but it didn’t look like this”

She grins.

“Yeah my boss built it for some lost love! This building meant a lot to them or something.”

Ian looks around some more, looks at the kids playing basketball, and the kids watching tv, and at others who are just hanging around, and last at the ones who are passed out on the couches. He wonders if this is the only place they had to sleep.

“It would’ve been really nice to have a place like this when I was growing up.”

The girl purses her lips.

“I know, me too” she responds.

He leans over the desk closer to her.

“Do you need any help? My fiancée would love investing in a place like this!”

She eagerly reaches for her drawer

“Of course!”

She hands him a card

“Call me and I’ll let you know when the boss is available.”

He backs away from her grinning.

“I might just have to do that.”

She blushes slightly

“You know you’re really cute” she states before groaning dramatically.

“Why do all the cute ones always have to be gay? You're so lucky!”

He snorts a laugh

“Why? Because I’m gay?”

“Yes! So you actually have a chance with said cute ones” she answers wistfully

Ian really finds himself admiring her.

As he’s leaving he gets a call from Fiona

 **Ian:** “Hey Fi”

 **Fiona:** You dated Mickey Milkovich?

 **Ian:** Kind of

 **Fiona:** How did I not know you dated Mickey Milkovich?

 **Ian:** Calm down it wasn’t just you.

 **Fiona:** You could tell Carl and not me?

Ian pauses, Carl?

 **Ian:** I never told Carl!

 **Fiona:** Well someone did, because I just caught him on the phone with Christian telling him all about it.

Ian drops down onto a bench

 **Ian:** What happened?

 **Fiona:** Well let’s just say Christian doesn’t like the idea of you and your ex-boyfriend being so close.

 **Ian:** So what does that mean?

 **Fiona:** He’s on his way.


	4. I won't give up on us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! Real life has been a bitch lately! Anyway I hope you like it. I think I have one or two chapters to go after this one. I started this chapter so many times, but it couldn't come out right. So maybe sometime in the future there will be deleted scenes who knows... 
> 
> "Song title from Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up"

Mickey walks inside the house, Ian is running around cleaning. It takes him a full 5 minutes before he sees Mickey and freezes.

"Hey Mick, how long have you been here"

"Not long, hey I thought you were gonna call."

Mickey glances around and notices how much more different the house looks than when he had left that morning. Ian's face falls, and he starts cleaning again.

"Christian's on his way"

Mickey's mouth drops open and he feels like he's going to be sick. He can't be losing him! Not right after he just got him back! He could've made this work if only he had more time. He moves towards Ian and grabs on to him to stop him and forces him to look up at him.

"He's coming now, right now? I thought he wasn't coming until another couple of weeks"

Ian sighs and looks exhausted emotionally and physically. He can only imagine what it might be like to be in Ian's situation, but can't help but feel a little angry that Ian fell in love with someone else in the first place.

"Well, that changed" Ian responds.

Ian throws a pillow hard on the couch then collapses onto the floor his head between his knees again. Mickey wonders why he keeps doing that, but doesn't ask. It seems to calm him a bit. Mickey takes a seat next to him and starts rubbing his back. He finds that he's covered in sweat and shaking.

"Why don't you just tell him the truth?" Mickey asks. He knows it's stupid, but he wants to know what Ian's answer will be. Does he even want to tell Christian the truth?

"What that I've been cheating on him?" he says with a harsh laugh. Mickey takes his hand off him. Ian looks up at him, and there's tear's so Mickey can't be too mad, but he needs to know.

"So uh, you're not going to tell him anything. You going to stay with him?"

Ian stands and looks down at Mickey and just stares at him. Mickey waits for him to say something, but he doesn't, finally he sighs.

"Mickey when did this happen? All of this" he motions in the vicinity of Mickey. "I can see the Mickey I knew still there, but this exact Mickey I don't know. The Mickey I knew was afraid to touch me thinking that it would make him seem too gay! He was afraid to kiss me or talk about his feelings. He would never would have told me he loved me or initiate this many kisses. When I first went to your house, I expected you to ask me what the hell I wanted, and maybe throw a beer can at me. I didn't expect to be here a week later. " 

Mickey stands to face him

"I already told you! I grew up! Back then I was just a dumb kid who was afraid. I have nothing to be afraid of anymore, only losing you for good. I'll do anything not to do that. If you want to know the exact moment I probably started to change. It was most likely when I realized you weren't just fucking with me. That you were gone for good. I always knew no matter how stupid I was or whatever bullshit I said you would still always be there, because you always were! "He takes a breath trying not to cry, and wipes at his eyes. "but you weren't there! You left me! My life was complete shit, and you left me! I was all alone I didn't understand how much I hurt you until you were gone, because I was hurting too! Did you ever stop to think how I was feeling? "

Ian starts to answer, but Mickey stops him. "No don't! You don't have to answer that because it wasn't your fault. I could've been man enough to ask you not to go, and maybe if I was more open with you, you could've understood why I did what I did! That it wasn't to hurt you! It was to save us, to save you! Shit I never even let you know I cared that much! That you were more to me than just some good fuck!"

"I knew" Ian whispers. "At least I wanted to believe you did"

Mickey lets out another sigh pulls Ian to him until he's kissing him. "Just please don't leave me again" he pleads with him pressing his forehead hard against Ian's until Ian can't look anywhere else, but at his eyes.

Again Ian doesn't say anything and at that moment he feels like he already lost him. Almost as if Ian wouldn't need him anymore once Christian was there, but that doesn't make any sense. That not Ian!

* * *

He never knew his name or what he was like, but he knew he had hurt Ian in a way he could never fix. He knew that Ian was always thinking about him. It's hard to be jealous of somebody that wasn't even there, but he was. Ian never seemed fully able to let him go, but every time Christian would ask anything about the guy; Ian would act like he didn't know what he was talking about. He had hoped with the engagement things would change and for a while they did, but as his trip approached Ian became more anxious, and now he knows why. Christian should have known better. Now he stands there in the hallway watching Ian as he cooks and hums to himself. He can tell by the smell it’s one of his favorites. He must of known I was coming he thinks to himself. 

Ian doesn't hear him come in, but he never does. The man can move like a cat, but he can smell his expensive cologne, and those blue eyes piercing him. 

"Who told you I was coming?" he asks. Ian shudders at the tone of Christians voice; seductive and a bit territorial. 

He loves to hear Christian talk. His voice seduced you, made you feel things, made you feel anything could be possible, and turned him on. He closes his eyes. He only wanted to make Christian's favorite dinner so he could talk to him. Christian wraps his arm around his waist and pulls him back against his chest hard. one hand reaching out to turn off the stove before going down Ian's pants. Ian moans and turns towards him. 

He's shocked when he looks at him. He looks disheveled, and his eyes are wide and wild. Not like the Christian he is used to at all. More like the one he caught glimpses of every time he was jealous or pissed, but he doesn't seem pissed as they kiss. 

Ian pulls away and looks at him, really looks at him. He doesn't look like he's slept for hours. 

He runs his thumbs underneath Christian's eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

Christian laughs pulling him close again until his face is in his hair. Its then that Ian smells that he's been drinking.

"I just missed you" 

Christian never got drunk. He hardly ever drank. He only had a casual drink every once in a while. So this worries him. He pulls Christian's head up until he's looking at him again.

"Have you been drinking?"

"Nah" he says waving him off, and then when he stumbles he adds "Maybe a little"

Ian helps him to the couch 

"Why?"

Christian looks around like he's looking for something. "Where's Mickey?"

Ian's stomach drops.

"Mickey? I don't know, home maybe. What do you know about Mickey? How do you even know about him?" 

This time when Christian laughs his laugh seems manic and half crazed. 

"The right question should be what don't I know about Mickey?"

"What do you mean?"

"I had a background check done on him."

Fuck he has got to be kidding!

"You what?"

"I needed to see who I was up against. Why didn't you tell me he was going to be here?"

Ian lets out a short, harsh laugh, and crosses his arms.

"I didn't know it mattered! Do you want a list of all the guys I've been with so you can do background checks on them too?"

Christian scoffs 

"He isn't just someone you been with" 

Ian doesn't know what to say. This isn't the right time to talk about this. So he only goes over to Christian and begins to lift him up. "Come on you're drunk let's get you some food and water."

* * *

Christian thinks he's dying or at least that he's going to, or his head is going to explode. One way or another he would be dead soon. Then he sits up and looks around. beside him is a trashcan filled with what must be his vomit, and a big glass of water on the bed side table. Ian is curled up on the other side of the bed. So he had made it here. Part of his brain remembers the night before, but it's a blur and only random moments come back to him. He looks at Ian and wonders why he is sleeping so far away. 

Did he do something to him? Did he accuse him of sleeping with Mickey? He groans looking at the bucket, or was he just worried he would vomit on him? He leans over and places a kiss on Ian's neck. After doing so, he wonders"if" Ian has been with Mickey, that In his state of unconsciousness is he going to think its Mickey that kissed him? It doesn't matter because all Ian does is make a hmm sound and buries himself deeper into the pillow. 

Christian forces himself to the bathroom to clean up. Feeling embarrassed about how he must look and smell right now. After showering, he finds Ian gone when he makes his way back into the bedroom. He puts on some comfortable clothes and heads out to the kitchen where he can smell the coffee. It makes him feel nauseous, but he knows that's where Ian must be. 

Ian gives him a smug look when he sees him. 

"Have fun?"

"Shut up" is all Christian can get out before sitting at the table. Ian goes over to him and places toast, eggs and that damn drink he thought he would never have to drink in front of him, before giving him a quick kiss and going back for coffee. 

"I'm not going to drink this. I know what you put in it." he tells him.

Ian shrugs 

"Okay, just go on feeling like shit all day then."

Christian grimaces, wrinkling his nose and drinks the nasty stuff down in one big gulp. He almost ends up gagging. He grabs the coffee as soon as Ian sits it down and starts drinking it to get rid of the taste, burning his tongue a little in the process. Ian sighs at him like he's a child and he doesn't know what to do with him. "Well that wasn't really smart was it? You know I could've brought you juice or something." He buries his head in his arms, pushing the food away. He's surprised It doesn't take very long until the drink starts to work, and he begin's to feel better.

When Ian walks towards him, he grabs on to his hips, and hoist's him onto his lap. So he could trail kisses over his neck and jaw. 

"I missed you so much"

"I missed you too" Ian moans, before his eyes open.

"Christian wait, we need to talk"

Christian stiffens, and he takes Ian's hands.

"Don't tell me"

"But!"

"No, I know okay! You messed around with him. I can see it by the bruises you are trying to hide."

Ian looks away embarrassed.

"I'm sorry!" It comes out as a sob.

Christian's lips thin and his jaw tightens. He lets out a strangled sound. 

"I thought we were over this!"

Ian inhales sharply, and Christian waits for him to say something.

"We are, I mean I thought we were, but Mickey is different.

Christian sighs and kisses him long and slow. Surprised Ian kisses him back so easily. 

"You mean everything to me. Please don't leave me for him." He pleads.

Ian looks at him shocked.

"What?"

Christian sighs.

"What did you want me to do dump you? So he could have you? I don't think so. If you want to go that has to be your decision. I love you too much to let you go. If you want to leave then leave, but I won't make you" 

Ian wraps his arms around his neck and kisses his forehead. 

"I'm so sorry!" Christian decides to ignore him and hoist's him onto the table his hands going under Ian's shirt eliciting a gasp.

“Don’t be surprised if I kill him when I see him though."

Ian cocks an eyebrow at him, but doesn't say anything. Christian has no problem taking him right there on the table, and Ian doesn't stop him. So he knows some part him wants to stay.

* * *

A fucking week and Mickey hasn't heard anything from Ian. He has managed to keep himself locked in his office and busy. So he can avoid fucking up whatever chance he might still have with Ian, but it seemed less likely as the days go by. 

Shit all he's heard about Ian was from Mandy who called to tell him that she finally got to meet Christian, and since he was so perfect that Mickey really needed to get his shit together. That not only pissed him off, but left him confused. The bitch didn't even know the guy, but she was practically having phone sex with him, and talking to him like they were best friends a couple weeks ago? 

There was also so much family stuff going on she said, but she didn't feel the need to tell him anything about it since he wasn't family ‘Meaning in the Gallagher family' He was stabbing at his desk when the intercom goes off. It's Jessie's sing song voice

"Those Investors are here to talk to you" 

Fuck, he runs a hand through his hair, and looks down to see if he looks presentable. Fuck it! He thinks and walks out only to come face to face with Ian

"Mickey" Ian mouths, but it's not long until Mickey sees Christian. He is gorgeous and more so in person, fucker! He's all tall, and built with BLACK HAIR, AND BLUE EYES WHAT THE FUCK! He looks at Ian incredulous. Ian must have a thing for guys with black hair and blue eyes, or he got with this guy because he reminded him of Mickey. Mickey hoped for the latter.

Ian moves closer as Christian speaks to Jessie, who is practically crawling off her desk towards him.

"Why haven't you answered your phone?" Ian asks. Mickey gives him a puzzled look.

"What the fuck you talking about?"

"Are you mad at me," Ian inquires looking almost heartbroken at the prospect.

"Fuck yeah I'm mad you. I haven't heard anything from you in a week, and you expect me to be fucking happy about it?"

"I've tried to call you, but you never answered. I even kept going by your house, but you were never home"

"Yeah, I've been here a lot, wait what the hell do you mean you called? You haven't called me once!" 

Ian rolls his eyes

"Not on my phone! A burner phone! I can't use mine right now!"

Mickey thinks for a minute. He has had a lot of calls from what he has assumed had to be bill collectors or some dumb shit like that. If they weren't in his contacts, he didn't want to talk to them. So that was Ian the whole time? Fuck!

"Sorry I thought —" he pauses "Why the fuck can't you use your own phone?" 

Ian looks at him like he's stupid

"I can't just call you or he'll know!"

"So what the fuck what!" he responds.

Ian grabs his arm quickly and let's go. 

"I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Huh?" He's worried about him? What the fuck can this asshole do to him?

Christian breaks away from Jessie and when she notices Mickey she slides back into her seat embarrassed. 

"Mickey this is—" she starts, but Christian's eyes widen at his name, and he ends up introducing himself personally. 

"Oh, no need Jessica! I think Mickey knows who I am" He takes Mickey's hand and shakes it, forcefully, but keeps a smile making Jessie believe everything is fine.

"Oh, of course! How stupid of me. We usually don't have many famous people in here" She says grinning and looks towards Ian who managed to squeeze himself into a corner "Do you know his Fiancée Ian? He used to live around here." She adds. 

Christian laughs, and yeah okay he might be a little intimidating, Mickey has to admit. 

"Yes" Mickey answers her "I've known Ian since I was a kid" Then he could tell the exact moment it hit's her, and she realizes that this was Ian, his Ian, and yes this was happening right here. 

He can't tell if she is in shock or if this is a dream come true, and she's just seconds away from pulling out a bag of popcorn to watch the show. 

"So" Christian begins looking around "This place is amazing, and Ian keeps telling me how much this place used to mean to him. I would love to help any way I can, here" He gives Mickey a check. "I hope this is enough to get you started" Jessie walks over to peer down at the check and gasps "Oh my god! Thank you so much! This means a lot to—" Mickey cuts her off by handing Christian back the check . 

"I don't want your money or need it, we're fine." He looks over at Ian with a smile "I'm glad you like it! I rebuilt it for you." Ian smiles his face flushing a little

Christian appears like it doesn't bother him at all. Even though Mickey had really wanted it to. He shoves the check back into Mickey's hands

"So here take the money as a thank you from Ian" Mickey gives it back. 

"No, that's fine! It was a present. He doesn't owe me anything" Jessie takes the check away from Christian.

"He doesn't mean that! I mean yes the Ian part, but we would love your help!" She tries to get away from Mickey as he tries to snatch the check away, but the little bitch bites him. Like seriously bites him!

"You're fired" he hisses at her. She ignores him and goes back to her desk locking the check in her own personal safe. He scowls at her. 

"Well, Mickey it was nice finally getting to meet you face to face! I hope you have a nice day! Call me if you need anything." He directs that last part to Jessie. She smiles at him. 

"Thanks again!" she says.

Christian phone goes off, and he excuses himself for a moment, but Mickey notices his eyes dart between Mickey and Ian before he steps into the hallway. 

Ian turns to Jessie as well "It was nice to finally get to meet you Ian." Jessie says excitedly. He smiles at her "You too, I'm guessing you're Jessie?" she nods smiling "Yep, but I always feel I sound more professional going by Jessica" he laughs. 

He takes a step towards Mickey. Jessie pretends she's not listening, but she has a stupid smile on her face, so he knows she is. 

"Was it true what you said? That you did this for me?" Mickey nods "Yeah I thought it would be some grand romantic gesture, but then you had to be an asshole and get engaged.” Ian smiles at him like he used to. Like he was a little kid and this was the best thing that ever happened to him, and Mickey so badly wants to kiss that smile right off his face.

"You know for it to be a romantic gesture I need to know about it, but really Mickey this is amazing! Thank you! I don't know what else I can even say!" Mickey leans in closer so Jessie can't hear "You don't have to say anything, but you can show me how thankful you are" He raises a suggestive eyebrow at him.

"Hey babe ready to go?" Christian asks from the doorway. 

Ian gives Mickey one last glance "Bye," he says smiling, and then he's leaving.

Jessie squeals!

"Oh my god! That was so priceless!"

Mickey glares at her

"Didn't I tell you, you're fired?"

She snorts

"Shut up! This place wouldn't be anything without me, but damn Mickey he's hot! And he still so into you!"

"You think so?" he asks. She rolls her eyes

"I'm a female I know these things!"

"Okay well, you better not spend a penny of that asshole's money!" He yells at her as he goes back into his office.

"Don’t be an idiot" she yells back as he slams the door.

* * *

Christian slams the car door making Ian flinch 

"Really that guy?" he asks. Ian glances towards the driver.

"Not now okay" He runs his hand through Christian's hair trying to calm him, but he's going to have a hard time doing that.

Christian looks towards the driver "Can we have a few moments please?"

"Yes sir" answers the driver as he gets out. 

Ian takes Christian's face into his hands kissing him and soothing him. 

When they break away Christian sighs. 

"I understand, he was your first love, and he's Mandy's brother so you can't escape him. I just can't stand to see you around him."

Ian settles back against the seat he knows he should say something, but the right words keep escaping him. 

It has been exactly 5 day's since Christian had found out everything about Mickey. He never wanted them to meet each other. He still needs to figure out what's going on. He loves Christian, but he also loved Mickey, and seeing Mickey again was making him feel so many things. He can't imagine losing either of them. 

"Please I just need time" 

Christian's hands go to the hairs at the nape of his neck. 

"I thought after the past week you made your choice." 

Ian has to look away from him.

* * *

Mickey is on his third drink when Christian waltzes into the Alibi flanked by two guards. Mickey groans inwardly. Christian smirks when he sees him, but is stopped by Kevin.

"Hey man!" Kevin greets him. 

Kevin hugs him; fully hugs him it's not just a one armed hug between two guys, but a full on hug.

"How are you doing? Do you want a drink? I'll get you a drink!"

Christian beams

"Thanks, but I don't drink do you have anything non alcoholic?"

"Yeah no problem!" "Great place you have here!" Christian muses.

It looks like Kevin want's to hug him again. 

"All thanks to you man!"

Now it was Vee who comes out gushing and hugging him.

"Christian" she squeal's. 

After they are all done Christian makes his way to Mickey and takes a seat right beside him. 

"How are you doing Mickey?"

Mickey glares at him.

"Don't act like were friends oh some shit." 

Christian smiles at him and puts some bills on the counter.

Kevin tries to push them back to him. 

"No man, it's on the house"

"Its fine, it's for the remainder of Frank's tab, and for whatever Mickey's drinking."

Kevin eye’s them, but stays quiet. 

On queue; Frank come's waltzing in like he owns the place.

"Free drinks for everyone" He yells. "It's on my future son in law!" The crowd cheers. Frank see's Christian, and halts for a moment before striding towards him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

"There's my boy!"

Christian eye's him wearily.

"Frank what are you doing out of rehab?"

"They let me out"

Christian frowns at him.

"So they let you out and the first place you decide to go to is a bar?" 

"Don't worry I'll be fine"

Christian shakes his head.

"No, I don't think so."

He looks towards one of his guards.

"Please escort Frank back to rehab"

"Come on! As you can see I'm perfectly fine! I'm cured!" Frank pleads. 

Christian looks pointedly at the guard who takes Frank by the arm.

"Let's go Mr. Gallagher" 

Frank throws his hands up in the air. "Fine, fine I'm going" 

He turns towards Christian.

"You got any money" 

Christian fishes in his pocket and places a bill in Frank's hand.

"Now go!" 

Frank smiles as they usher him out. 

Kevin only shakes his head.

"Fucking Frank"

"I know" Christian says back to him, before turning his attention back to Mickey. 

"Okay, Mickey let's get this straight. I don't like you and I know you don't like me, but you're Mandy's brother and Ian cares about you. So we are going to have to tolerate each other. 

Mickey snickers "No, I don't think so. How about we don't tolerate each other, and you just get the fuck out of my life?" 

Christian sighs 

"I was just trying to be nice, but if you want to be like that then I suggest you just stay out of my way!"

Mickey glares at him

"Or what?"

Christian stares at him and takes a sip of his drink before saying "Grow up! I don't want to fight you! Yes, I thought about killing you, but Ian wouldn't be happy with me for doing that. So I'm trying to talk this out with you instead."

Mickey chuckles

"Like you can do shit to me!"

Christian grins into his drink, his blue eyes like daggers.

"Don't test me!" 

Mickey stands

"You know what your right! I don't like you! You don't belong here! So why don't you just get in that expensive car of yours, and head back to Washington or wherever you came from and find some rich asshole just like you to marry!"

Christian shakes his head

"No thanks I already have a fiancée I'm quite happy with"

"You don't belong with him! There's no way you can ever understand him like I do! You can never love him like I do, and you're too fucking old for him"

Christians laughs

"Too old? Really? I'm only 32!"

"Yeah well, he's only 21!"

He looks at Mickey like he's one of the most amusing things he's ever seen. 

"You're pathetic you know that? And you don't know anything about Ian anymore. You're the one who doesn't understand him." He shakes his head again and stands up. 

"You know what, this was a mistake. So I just have one thing to say to you."

He grabs Mickey slamming his head into the counter.

"Fuck my fiancée again and I'll smash your brains in!" 

He lets Mickey up and straightens his jacket, and smiles at Kevin, who acts like he didn't see anything. 

"Nice seeing you Kev, are you two coming to dinner tonight?"

"Wouldn't miss it man" replies Kevin.

"See you then."

Christian smirks at Mickey

"Nice seeing you Mickey!" 

He leaves with Mickey watching him in shock. How the hell did pretty boy get the upper hand?

"Isn't he great" Kevin muses.

"He's freaking crazy if you ask me!" answers Mickey

Kevin looks at him disapprovingly.

"You shouldn't have messed with Ian. You know he's like into all that fighting shit right?"

"What fighting shit?"

"Like Karate, and that UFC type shit!"

"Damn"

Kevin nods

"I wouldn't get on his bad side if I were you. There's some really good benefits by getting on his good side."

"Why the fuck should I care? I'm not going to be nice to that asshole for nothing."

Kevin shrugs 

"Okay man, but you seriously don't think you have a chance with Ian right? I mean come on! How can you compete with that? If I was gay I would go for him. Shit I think if we were both single, I would do it anyway. Do you know he paid off all the bars debts, fixed up the Gallagher house, paid off all their bills in advance, got Frank in Rehab and Monica in the hospital?"

"What the fuck? It's like he's buying Ian's love!"

Kevin shrugs

"Maybe, but I like to think that he thinks of the Gallagher's and me and Vee like family now!"

Mickey scoffs. 

"Yeah whatever! I'll see you later." 

As soon as he walks out the doors he finds Ian waiting for him.

"Hey!" he says with a small smile.

Mickey smiles back at him.

"Hey"

He was totally going to make sure to fuck him tonight. Nobody tells him what he can't do.


	5. You were just friends at least that's what you said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A disaster of a dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is a mess. I haven't had the proper time to edit it. Also my sister say's I made Christian and Ian look like assholes in this chapter. I don't think so, but if I did I'm sorry. You will start to understand them better within the next two chapters. I know what I'm doing with this. Just hang with me. 
> 
> Sorry this took so long I've had problems with depression and real life, and then I want to Portland for a little over a week.  
> It might be a couple weeks until this is updated again. I need to focus on my big bang fic.
> 
> Chapter title from Just Friends by Gavin Degraw (ignore the girl pronoun)

So they didn’t have sex or at least not yet. It really sucks when you start having sex again so much, and then are abruptly cut off from it. He knows he could’ve gone out and got laid, but he wasn’t so stupid to think that wouldn’t affect Ian’s decision. Yes, he knows Ian has been screwing the asshole. Still if he really wants Ian to believe he’s waiting for him; he needs to keep it in his pants for anybody that isn’t Ian. 

It turns out Ian had been waiting for him outside the bar so they could talk. At first Mickey was like shit it’s over! I lost him again, but Ian didn’t want to talk about that. He wanted to talk about Mickey’s life and the youth center. He wanted to talk like they were friends. It made Mickey realize that they haven’t really talked like this at all. Yeah they said a few things, but mostly all they did is fuck. 

Christians comment about Mickey not knowing him anymore really starts to hit home, and he reluctantly realized that he didn’t know him. He can’t understand him, because he doesn’t know much about what has happened to Ian since he’s left. He might have understood him when he was 17, but this was obviously not the same person. Well not exactly.

They went to the baseball field and lay right in the center staring at the sky only inches apart. They’re holding hands their fingers intertwined, but that was as much touching as they’ve had so far.

“So how did you meet the asshole anyway?” Ian always gives him a annoyed look every time Mickey uses the nickname he gave Christian. 

“He’s not an asshole okay!”

Mickey grunts 

“Yeah right, and he didn’t just slam my face into the bar.”

Ian gapes at him.

“What?”

“You didn’t see him leave there right before you showed up?”

He shakes his head shocked

“No, what happened?”

“He was giving me bullshit about getting along, I told him to fuck off. So then he slammed my face into the bar and threatened me.”

Ian turns to him, his mouth still hanging open.

“He wanted to get along with you?”

“Did you just miss the whole part where I said he threatened me?”

“No, but that’s him. He’s just really jealous. Why did you tell him to fuck off?”

“Look, I don’t know what weird scenario you both are thinking of, but we aren’t going to be friends.”

“Okay”

“So how did you even meet a Senator to begin with, and such a young one? I always thought that if you were caught in something with a politician it would be an old ass closet pervert. “

Ian laughs at that, but there is a pained edge to it, and Mickey kind of wishes he didn’t say anything. 

“Um Christian is different.”

He shakes his head with an affectionate laugh.

“Supposedly he seen me somewhere and watched me for days until he got up the courage to ask me out. I always call him my own personal stalker.“

“What?”

Ian laughs at his expression.

“I worked on his campaign with my friend, but we were in this really shitty neighborhood and we never thought there was a chance he would show up there, but he did. 

Everybody was so surprised and excited. I kind of hid at first. Not wanting to be sucked in by the crowd. It really surprised me when he noticed me. I had no idea he was there specifically to meet me. It only took him like 5 minutes to come over and ask me out after that, but I was such a pain in the ass back then. I knew how much he wanted me and I played it to my advantage. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but I had these feelings for him I couldn’t explain. Everybody says to them it seemed like love at first sight.”

“Probably more like lust at first sight” Mickey grunts.

Ian gives him a side eyed glance and an exasperated smile, but continues his story. 

“Anyway it took multiple dates and chance run in’s before we were together. He was pretty relentless there was really no other way it was going to turn out. When he wants something he gets it.”

He turns to his side to stare at Mickey. Head pillowed on his arm. Mickey considers leaning over and kissing him, but Ian talks again. 

“Okay, enough about me! What about you? What happened to Svetlana and the baby?”

Mickey snorts

“It wasn’t mine, so we got an annulment. We still hang out some times. She’s pretty cool and it was nice to have someone to talk to about the gay shit. “

Ian smiles 

“That’s good! So did you really come out at your dad’s funeral?”

Mickey laughs and shakes his head at the memory

“Yeah I did" only then did I find out he was the only one who gave a shit. "Who told you?”

He gives Mickey a look that says, do I really need to answer that? Mickey feels stupid for even asking, because who else?

“Mandy?”

Ian nods 

He gives Mickey a serious look

“ You said you found where I lived, how?”

Mickey thinks about Ian saying Christian was his stalker. He has to admit he was kind of a stalker too.

“I followed you back home after the wedding” 

Ian stares at him confused.

“But, you weren’t even there.”

“Yes I was, you just didn’t see me.”

He watches as Ian thinks that over. He kind of wishes he doesn’t ask for details. Nothing came out of it anyway. All that it did was dash Mickey's last hope into a million pieces.

He was happy to see that Ian showed up to the wedding alone. Yeah he was still too big of a chicken shit to talk to him, but he thought if he didn’t have a date that must mean he didn’t have a boyfriend. That night he tore his house apart. He had spent so long wanting to see Ian. Part of him wishing that maybe after all this time he would decide to come back, and while he was right there in front of him he did nothing! He didn’t even understand why. How could he be so stupid? It was just like something kept him away. He froze whenever he even had the thought of approaching him. He was scared of Ian that day, but now he wonders if he was really scared of his rejection. 

“That was—“ Ian stops to think some more. 

Then whatever he was trying to remember clicks and his face turns a little red. 

“You’re such an asshole! Why didn’t you say anything?” Ian says angrily. 

He had asked that question before and Mickey ended up going around it, but there was nothing left but the truth. 

“I followed you as you went to your house, and it was so big, and you seemed like you belonged there, and then he came out and you were so happy to see him. I didn’t want to intrude in your new life.”

Thinking back he doesn’t even remember paying much attention to Christian. He didn’t even know who he was, but he did pay attention to the fact that Ian had someone else. That he managed to do what he couldn’t, move on. 

“So what’s different now?” 

Mickey shrugs

“You came to my house! That means you came walking back into my life. I’ve been just a little reluctant to let you leave again”

Ian sits up and hit’s him.

“Fuck was that for?” Mickey asks rubbing his shoulder. 

“I wasn’t even engaged then! Things wouldn’t of had to be this complicated! I wasn’t even officially living there! “

“What the fuck? How long were you even with this guy before you decided to marry him?”

“Shut up! I’m not finished. I waited 7 fucking years for you Mickey! All I needed was for you to realize or admit that you cared! Now you tell me you had a chance to say something twice after I left, and you didn’t say shit! Making me believe you hated me all this time. “

“I never hated you!”

“It sure seemed like it” 

“I might have hated what you stood for, for me. Confirming what I hated about myself, but I never hated you. I love you, always did. If I hated anything, it was that.” 

Ian sighs heavily 

“Why can’t anything ever be easy for us?” 

Mickey grabs him pulling him into his arms, placing a kiss in his hair.

“So why aren’t you telling me I’m too late” Mickey wonder’s out loud.

Ian’s quiet for a moment clutching tightly to Mickey’s shirt, like he’ll lose him if he lets go. He looks up at him through his lashes. 

“I should, but I can’t. I guess I’m not ready to give up yet.”

 _yet_ that word never sounded so ominous. it almost sounded like he was knew he would eventually.

Mickey takes his face between his hands and kisses him slowly. Not really sure if it’s what Ian wants, but Ian kisses him back.  
After a couple of minutes Ian pulls back. 

“I have to go to dinner”

He studies Mickey for a minute 

“You want to come?”

Mickey laughs. 

“Yeah sure like that’s a good idea.”

“Well” Ian begins leaning in closer. Close enough that Mickey could grab him again if he wanted to. “He did want you two to get along”

He had a point and Mickey did get some small pleasure in imagining Christian’s face if he showed up with Ian, he grins.

“Okay, let’s go”

He stands and extends a hand out to help Ian up.

* * *

The closer they get to the restaurant the less of good idea Mickey thinks this is. Why did he want to do this again? He was probably just going to make an ass out of himself for showing up uninvited. Okay Ian might have invited him, but this was Christian’s dinner and he can’t imagine all the horrible things people were going to be thinking about him.

What about Ian? What are they going to think about him? Is this like Ian being rebellious showing up with his mistress or something? Did he really just think of himself as a mistress? Well he is going to really need a drink to get through this night. 

When they walk into the place Ian says something to the receptionist, and they get led to a huge table in the back. Everybody goes silent when they see them. Ian just smiles like there’s nothing out of the ordinary and Mickey stands a foot behind him feeling insecure. 

Finally everybody starts talking again, and Debbie gets up from her seat. It’s between Carl’s and what must be Ian’s seat since it’s empty and right next to Christian’s. 

“Here Mickey you can have my seat.” She smiles a little awkwardly.” So you can sit next to Ian.” 

She misses the horrified look Christian throws her, but Mickey smile’s “Thanks Debbie!”

Ian grasps her shoulder as she walks by “Thanks Debb’s” she smiles back at them, and sits next to Fiona. 

Ian and Mickey make their way over to their seats. Mickey forces himself to ignore Ian giving Christian a kiss before he sits down. Only when he sits down does he realize he’s right across from Mandy who’s staring at him dumbfounded. 

“What the fuck” she mouths.

Mickey shrugs and gives a small smile towards Ian. Lip glares at him!

Ian isn’t even surprised when his phone buzzes. He looks at it seeing a new message from both Lip and Fiona.

Lip:

> WTF! MAN!

Fiona:

> What are you doing? I can’t believe you brought Mickey here!

He smiles

To Lip:

> What?

To Fiona:

> Why?  
> 

They both look up to glare at him when they receive his message. He types out one message and sends it to them both. 

> Christian wanted him here. He wants them to get a long.

It was sort of the truth. Christian had wanted it. They don’t have to know Mickey had later told him to fuck off. Ian so badly wants them to get along or maybe he's a bit delusional. They both stare at him in shock and look towards Christian. Who is pointedly ignoring Mickey and playing with Connor; Fiona’s six month old. 

“Huh!” is all Fiona says out loud to him. The others are all caught up in their own conversations to notice. 

“So” Ian starts trying to make everything less awkward. “I ran into Kash in New York a couple years back” 

Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to say because Mickey almost spits out his drink, Lip starts laughing loudly, Mandy is looking at him expectantly and Fiona is looking at the all of them wanting to know what the big deal is. 

“Who’s Kash?” the question comes from the other side of him, and he turns to look at Christian. Shit he’s never told him about Kash before. 

“Just some stupid guy I used to know." he replies. 

“Ian isn’t that your old boss who ran out on his wife and kids?” Fiona asks. 

“Fucking pedophile is what he is” answers Lip. Mandy backhands him.

“Shut up” she says before turning back to Ian “What did he say?” 

“Well” Ian goes “I had blonde hair then” he puts a hand up. “Don’t ask! At first he was a little surprised by that, but afterwards he started going on and on about how I ruined his life.” He looks towards Mickey who looks pissed now “He still really hates you”

“Fuck that Pussy!” says Mickey “We were just teenagers and he wants to blame us for his problems?” 

Ian point’s at him with a grin “Exactly what I said! I also told him I never would’ve even hooked up with Mickey if he wasn’t such a pussy to begin with” he thinks for a moment. "That really pissed him off."

Fiona stops them 

“Wait what is it that I don’t know here? Because it’s sounding like you and him had a thing. Am I getting that right?

Ian nods

“What the hell Ian! Why didn’t you ever tell me?” 

Jimmy puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Fiona he slept with my Father! This shouldn’t be that surprising.” 

“Hell if it’s not! You were like what 15,16 when that guy took off?”

Ian shrugs not remembering. He doesn't remember a lot these days.

“Yeah around there somewhere. It was stupid I know that now! His wife ended up catching us, and I got with Mickey. It was a long time ago.”

Fiona turns her anger to Jimmy hitting him. Damn these Gallaghers like to hit Mickey thinks to himself.

“Thank you for reminding me my children’s grandfather slept with my little brother!” 

Jimmy only stays quiet. Ian finally looks at Christian who seems to be ignoring him now as well. So he didn’t tell him about Kash what’s the big deal? 

Luckily all of their attention changes as the food arrives. It seems like they ordered a little bit of everything. So everybody is too caught up passing around food to think about the Kash thing at the moment. Mickey eats quietly listening to the conversations around him. He notices asshole ignoring Ian, and it seems to be bothering Ian. It makes him want to hit him, but asshole has no problem talking to everybody else or acting like the perfect gentlemen. 

Mickey turns his attention to Carl and waits for the perfect moment to nudge him hard. Carl almost chokes on his potatoes.

“What the hell Mickey” he chokes.

“You and me have something to settle”

Carl looks down at his plate and sighs stabbing at his food. “I know” 

Mickey motions outside, and Carl nods. 

Mickey leans in towards Ian.

“We’ll be right back” 

Ian watches them strangely, but nods anyway.

“Okay” he says slowly, confused. 

Mickey and Carl make their way outside as soon as they walk out the door Mickey pushes at him hard. 

“Didn’t I tell you to wait until we were back together before talking to him?”

Carl sighs 

“I know I fucked up I’m sorry! I thought you were back together!”

Mickey scowls at him.

“and what made you think that?”

“Well you were always together”

“Yeah well because of you I haven’t sex in a week” Mickey accuses him. 

Carl makes a disgusted face.

“I really don’t need to hear about you taking it up the ass from my brother.”

Mickey light’s a cigarette and takes a drag before handing it over to Carl.

“You better find some way to fix this” 

Carl rolls his eyes handing the cigarette back. 

“Why don’t you send him some flowers or some shit?”

Mickey scoffs 

“We’re gay, but we’re not that gay!”

Carl had become one of Mickey’s only friends. He started as Mickey’s eyes and ears inside the Gallagher house, but the kid turned out being pretty cool. So they started hanging out. Carl was supposed to be the one who broke the news to Christian that he and Ian had gotten back together. In case Ian was too scared to tell Christian himself, but Carl fucked that up, He made it so Christian showed up way before he was supposed to. Ian comes out to join them Carl tries to pass him the cigarette, but Ian waves it off. 

“I quit” 

Mickey raises an eyebrow at him 

“Yeah?”

He takes a long drag of the cigarette then goes to Ian grabbing the back of his head and leaning in close enough that the smoke leaves his mouth into Ian’s. Ian shutters at the close proximity. Carl pretends like there’s nothing wrong with his engaged brother shot gunning with his ex. Suddenly they are interrupted, Monica comes walking towards them. 

“Surprise” she yells throwing her arms up in the air.

Ian takes off immediately rushing into the restaurant. The others follow. 

“What the hell?” he asks Christian as Monica comes up behind him. 

Monica wraps her arms around him.

“I got out just in time for my baby’s wedding!”

Everybody looks at her stunned. Christian takes a deep breath.

“I thought you would be happy. The doctors say she’s stable. I didn’t want you to miss having your Mother at the wedding.”

Ian pushes away from Monica

“Is Frank going to walk in here next?”

Christian shakes his head.

“No he isn’t ready, but your Mother really wanted to be here” 

Ian glares at him.

“You know how I feel about this!” 

“Ian she’s your Mother.”

Ian shakes his head frantically.

“No, no she’s not. She hasn’t been for a long time. You’re only wasting your money on her and Frank!”

“Oh Ian” Monica cries.

Ian ignores her, all his attention still on Christian. 

“Weren’t you even listening to me? Don’t you care what they’ve done to all of us.”

Christian sighs

“Of course I do, but you need to learn to forgive them! They’re the only parent’s you have.”

Ian laughs half crazed, and grabs Mickey.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.

Mickey gives Christian a sly grin before they leave. Christian calls after Ian, but now it’s Ian's ignoring him.

* * *

Ian collapses into the grass outside. Mickey takes a seat next to him. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“He promised me that they wouldn’t have anything to do with our new lives, and then he goes behind my back getting her out of the hospital and brings her here.” 

“One minute” Mickey leaves to his car and gets a bottle of whiskey from the back. He brings it back to Ian. Ian stares at it for a long time.

“I can’t” he says at first, but then slowly takes the bottle taking a swig. He winces a little.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve had hard liquor.” 

Mickey sits down next to him leaning in close so he can trail kisses up and down his neck until the tension leaves Ian’s body. Ian hums contently and moves until his lips are slowly dragging over Mickey’s. He seems to not even care that his fiancée is right inside.

Ian's not even surprised when he hears the “What the hell Ian?” and Mickey is getting yanked away from him. He covers Mickey with his body shielding him from Christian. 

“Don’t hurt him” he warns.

Christians grabs him yanking him up. 

“We’re going home now!” he demands. 

Ian wriggles free from him backing away.

“No!” he point’s towards Mickey.

“I swear if you touch him it’s over!”

Christian hands go up; as if he’s going to yank his hair out. 

“Why am I even dealing with this shit?”

Ian throws his arms up.

“I don’t know why are you?” 

For some reason Mickey feels they've had this type of conversation before. Christian goes to him grabbing him by the shoulders Mickey starts to go and get him off him, but before he does he notices Ian start trembling. Christian starts kissing his face and lips softly and Ian doesn’t stop him. So Mickey stays where he is. 

“Stop trying to push me away” Christian says to him.

Ian pretends to ignore him, but starts breathing heavily. 

Christian pulls him closer and rest’s his forehead against his.

“Calm down baby, it’s okay” 

His fingers go to the nape of his neck and he strokes the back of his head gently. 

“I’m not going anywhere, okay.”

Ian starts crying it sounds painful and choked. He buries his head into Christian's shoulder, and Christian holds him throughout it rubbing his back and whispering in his ear things Mickey can’t hear.

Mickey can only watch wondering what the hell it is he’s seeing.


	6. Say something, I'm giving up on you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Mickey and Christian are starting to pull away,but nobody knows how close Ian is to falling over the edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I wasn't going to update for a couple weeks,but I got inspired,but seriously this time! I have to finish my big bang story and then I'll finish this!
> 
> I know you don't like Christian,but there's quite a lot of him in this chapter. I wanted the flashbacks to give you all of Idea of what Ian had been going through, and why it is he's the way he is in the present. If that even make's sence. I needed a way to show you all the weight of this decision, but I did also give you Mickey and Ian smut to make up for it. (even though it probably sucks)
> 
> Anyway this is the longest chapter so far and I hope you enjoy, and please don't hate me too much over the ending! I'm only going to leave you hanging for just a little bit I promise! 
> 
> Oh and FYI the amazing comments I received totally had everything to do with my motivation to write this! So more please! I love to know what you're thinking!
> 
> Title from A Great Big World - Say Something Feat. Christina Aguilera

###  **Approximately 3 years prior**

_He knows it’s crazy and a big risk right now, but as soon as he seen the red head he knew he had to meet him. The others all told him how ridiculous he was being. He knew nothing about the guy, and during an election was very bad time for people to find out you’re gay. He just didn’t care. He was drawn to him, and he didn’t even understand why._

_He got a little too excited when he found out that the guy was working on his campaign. So he must like him somewhat already right? He tries to tell himself that the guy really wanted to be there, and it wasn’t just because of the pink haired girl who dragged him in there every day._

_Okay so he had been watching him for a few days, not in the creepy way at all. He just happened to pass the neighborhood every so often on his way to his main headquarters. At least that’s what he keeps telling himself. Until one day his assistant annoyed by his behavior and never afraid to be blunt with him calls him on his shit._

_“Just go in and ask him out already! We have a campaign to run, or at least the rest of us have a campaign to run, and you just need to sit there and look pretty and make your speeches.”_

_He glares at her_

_“You know what Gloria said! I can’t just—“_

_He rubs his forehead frustrated with his position._

_“I can’t afford people finding out I’m gay right now!”_

_“So you're just going to keep watching the guy wistfully until you decide it’s okay to show him who you truly are? That is not how a good leader acts! Screw Gloria! Go get him before someone else does!”_

_“I don’t even know if he’s gay.”_

_She looks at him like he’s retarded. She is truly one of the few people in his life who is brave enough to do that. Well to his face at least._

_“Even I can see he is! Just go talk to him!”_

_Christian still isn’t sure. Lorrie makes up his mind for him. She steps out of the car straitened her hair, fixes her skirt and glasses, and heads towards the headquarters. Christian tries to call her, but soon finds out she left the phone in the car._

_He waits anxiously until she returns. After a good 10 minutes she walks out with a proud smirk on her face, and leans in the front of the car to tell his guard something. He cringes when he hears the radio call._

_“Mr. Alverez will be entering the building”_

_One guard opens the door as Lorrie grins at him._

_“They’re very excited to get to meet you, Mr. Alverez!"_

_He wants to scowl at her, but he can see the volunteers in the building peeking out the window excitedly. So he puts on his best grin._

_“Later” he mouths to Lorrie, before heading towards the building._

_As soon as he enters the small building he spots the red head. He stands away from everyone else, but Christian notices him and keeps an eye on him the whole time to make sure he doesn’t bolt. He sure looks like he wanted to._

_When he finally makes it to him he never expects to actually ask him out, but he does. He's shocked, his advisers are shocked, but the guy isn't. He introduced himself as Curtis. The name really didn’t seem to fit him, and he notices the guys pink haired friend give him a puzzled look, but at the moment he wasn't paying much attention. He had finally met his guy!_

_Christian wasn’t normally like this. He didn’t randomly ask out strangers. The few relationships he did have were with people he had known for years. He definitely didn't ask out people who he wasn’t sure were interested in him. Luckily Curtis seemed interested and he accepted, but Christian was scared he was taking advantage of him, by using his sudden fame to get this guy to go out with him._

_About an hour later Christian watches as the red head eats his muffin, and drinks his coffee like he hasn’t ate in days. When Curtis finishes he looks at him with a crooked smile._

_“Sorry, not used to you people buying me food!”_

_“You people?” Christian asks confused._

_Curtis nods_

_“You know clients”_

_Wait does that mean that Curtis is a — his train of thought is immediately cut off._

_“I never slept with a politician before.”_

_How could he be so stupid? Just in the beginning of his political career he gets mixed up with a prostitute! The tabloids and his opponents are going to have a field day with this one!_

_“Curtis I didn’t bring you here to sleep with you.”_

_Curtis cocks his head to the side and looks at him curiously._

_“So you don’t want to have sex with me?”_

_“Yes, but— ” okay wrong use of words._

_“I mean eventually if things work out, but I really just wanted to get to know you.”_

_Curtis stares at him in silence, obviously taken aback by this._

_“Oh so this is supposed to be like a date?”_

_“More like getting to know each other well enough to go on a date.”_

_Curtis nods to himself thinking about it for a moment._

_“Look I really don’t do relationships, but you are really hot and seem nice. I guess I can give you one date; if you want.”_

_Does he still want to go on a date with him? If anybody finds out he’ll be politically dead, and his dad will definitely disown him. Right now his life seemed to be going perfectly, but he had to admit he was pretty miserable. Yes, he always had everything he could want, but he hated that his parent’s kept setting him up with their rich friends daughters. He hated how everybody assumed they knew the type of person he was just by looking at him, and he hated how he could never be himself, so screw it._

_“Okay I can handle that. How about tonight at 7? I can pick you up at your place.”_

_Curtis shakes his head looking terror-stricken by the suggestion._

_“No that’s fine, how about we just meet at the headquarters? “_

_“That would be great! Do you have a suit and tie?”_

_Curtis’ eyes narrow_

_“Look I don’t need a sugar daddy or anything! So if that’s what this is then forget it!”_

_Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!_

_“No I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you. I just meant I was thinking of a really nice place and wanted to make sure you had what was necessary." He shakes his head " You know what just forget about it. We can go somewhere else.”_

_Curtis seems to calm down a bit._

_“No that’s fine we can go to your fancy place.”_

_Curtis stands up. Christian wants to ask him to stay longer, but before he gets the chance Curtis leans in close to his ear._

_“But if you just want to fuck don’t worry I won’t tell anybody.”_

_He walks away smiling and Christian feels so fucked. He thinks he might actually be in love; if that’s even possible._

* * *

Mickey’s head hits the back of his couch and he groans. He tried to finish off the rest of the whiskey, but it only made him feel sick to his stomach. He can’t stop thinking about what happened. What the hell was wrong with Ian? 

His door suddenly opens.

“Fuck off Mandy!”

“It’s not Mandy” says Ian as he comes into Mickey’s eyesight.

Mickey sits up straight.

“Are you okay?”

Ian shrugs like it was nothing.

“Yeah, I just had a panic attack”

Mickey gives him a screwy expression

“The fuck is a panic attack?”

Ian looks down at the ground and worries at his lip.

“It’s like a—“ He struggles to come up with an answer. ”I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just when I get really stressed or upset it gets really hard for me to breathe and I get all tense.”

“That happen often?”

Ian thinks about it for a moment.

“Not so much anymore.”

“It hurt?” asks Mickey sympathetically. ”Cause it looked like it really hurt”

“A lot sometimes! My whole body hurts with the tension, and my chest and throat hurt because I can’t breathe,but I'm used to it.”

“but you’re okay now?” Mickey asks concerned.

“I’m better, it still kind of hurts. It probably will all night, but it’s not as bad”

Mickey goes to him wrapping his arms around him in a hug. Ian's a little surprised by it. It’s not really a Mickey thing to do.

“I’m sorry” he says.

Ian looks at him.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m the one who’s sorry! I know how he is, but I still brought you there. He’s as bad with jealousy as you are.”

That makes Mickey think of another question he wants to ask, but he’s worried about Ian’s reaction.

“Ian has he ever hurt you?”

Ian looks at him perplexed.

“Like what? Hit me?”

“Yeah”

He waits to see if Ian gets angry over the question or looks like he’s hiding something, but all he does is shake his head and look at Mickey like he’s crazy.

“No, what made you think that?”

Oh I don’t know he seems pretty violent to me Mickey thinks, but instead answers.

“It was just how he was grabbing you. I didn’t like it!”

Ian laughs

“Oh that? I’ve done worse to him.”

Mickey can only gawk at him.

“God Mickey we even done worse to each other and you’re worried about him grabbing me?”

Ian laughs some more, but Mickey doesn’t think it’s funny and it only reminds him about the things he’s done to Ian in the past.

“Don’t make that face Mickey! I forgive you okay! That’s just who you were!”

Mickey sits back down on the couch.

“So how did you get away from the asshole? I thought after seeing us kissing he would be watching you like a hawk”

Ian huffs irritated.

“He knows I’m pissed, and to give me space! Besides he’s too busy looking at baby pictures with my Mom. So I just told them to go to hell and left.”

“and he won’t come looking for you here?”

“He better not!” Ian responds bitterly, before he’s getting up to straddle Mickey.

Mickey's almost embarrassed how quickly he reacts to him and how fast his hands go to his thighs.

Ian starts kissing his neck.

“Let’s not talk about him anymore”

He starts unbuttoning Mickey’s shirt kissing the now exposed flesh.

“You know” Mickey says in-between moans, because this feels so fucking good. “I’m starting to feel like — ” Ian’s hand dips inside his pants. He groans “Oh fuck” his head falls back, and Ian takes the opportunity to bite at his neck. “That I’m being used” Mickey say’s breathlessly. Wow, that didn’t sound girly at all! Although it was the truth. This all was starting to seem like it's a big game for Ian.

“Yep” replies Ian. “Just a booty call”

Mickey’s eyebrows fly up

“A booty call, huh?”

He twists fast flipping Ian unto the couch under him; pinning his wrists above his head as he does so.

“Okay just for that, you don’t get to touch me”

Ian’s eyes go wide for moment before Mickey is throwing himself at him biting his neck and sucking hard. If Ian’s going home to that prick tonight he’s going home marked and fucked out Mickey thinks. Ian tries to grab on to Mickeys hair, but Mickey swats his hand away.

“No, no touching!”

Ian grabs on to the couch instead only releasing his grasp long enough for Mickey to remove his shirt. Then Mickey’s sliding off him. He starts stripping slowly and all Ian can do is stare. Mickey stops when he’s fully undressed and stands there and smiles smugly.

Then Mickey is dragging off Ian’s pants and boxer’s, before disappearing.

“Mick?” Ian asks sitting up and looking around.

He's suddenly knocked backwards, and Mickey is straddling him again with a bottle of lube in his hand. Mickey’s spreads Ian’s legs apart, and bites at his inner thigh. Ian shudders grabbing tightly to the couch.

He watches almost dazed as Mickey starts to open himself up. He struggles not to touch him, because every time he tries Mickey moves away. Mickey makes sure to hold his eyes the whole time that he isn’t overcome with a moan. As his fingers move their way inside him. Unable to look away all Ian can do is lick his lips impatiently as he waits for Mickey to finish.

Mickey takes his time loving the way lust fills Ian’s eyes with the tiniest of movements, and at how much he’s struggling beneath him.

Mickey moans removing his finger’s.

He starts rubbing some lube on to Ian excruciating slow. Ian starts gasping and pleading.

Mickey smiles and bites his lip as he lowers himself on to him.

They both tremble at the contact and Mickey holds Ian’s eyes for a second more, before he starts moving slowly. His head falling back.

“Damn Gallagher” he gasps out.

He reaches out brushing his hands over Ian chest. Ian’s face strains towards him, and Mickey with an ounce of pity leans over and kisses him.

Ian mistakenly reaches for him, causing Mickey to break the kiss and move away.

His hips press harder to Ian’s sides and he picks up his pace, riding him fast and hard until he’s panting. His fingers dig into Ian’s chest, before he moves and takes a hold of both of Ian’s arms pinning them above his head again. He leans down biting at Ian’s lip until draws blood, but it only makes him kiss him harder and deeper.

Ian bucks and writhes under him. His fingers find the fabric of the couch and he digs his nails in so hard that he starts ripping the fabric.

Mickey finds Ian’s eyes and they stare at each other as he moves a top of him.

No longer able to take it anymore Ian wriggles out of Mickey’s grasp and grabs on to his hips thrusting into him harder. Mickey’s back arches, and by now he’s far too gone to even care about Ian breaking his rule. With just couple more thrusts Mickey’s falling apart crying his name.

Ian’s arms wrap around Mickey’s waist and he thrust’s into him until he feels his own release. 

Mickey collapses atop of him and Ian starts stroking his back. “Fucking booty call” Mickey mutters into his chest and they both start laughing.

* * *

They are both awoken early the next morning by Ian’s phone. Mickey knows that it’s Christian so he reaches out and clicks ignore, before Ian can answer it.

Ian only watches him then wraps his arms around Mickey’s neck dragging him down into a kiss.

“Morning” Mickey mumbles.

Ian runs his hands down Mickeys back until his nails are digging into Mickey’s ass.

“Mmm, morning.” He say's back, eyes closed dreamily.

Ian’s phone goes off again. Mickey curses and rolls off him.

“Tell him to fuck off!”

Ian answers his phone.

He’s silent for a moment.

**Christian:** I know you’re there Ian! Please stop ignoring me! I’m sorry!

Ian sighs

**Ian:** I don‘t think you even understand what you’re sorry for.

Christian’s quiet for a minute.

**Christian:** Just please come back so we can talk.

**Ian:** I don’t want to talk to you!

**Christian:** Just listen I know I’m a complete asshole! You met my parent’s they’re nightmares! So I thought I understood. I just didn’t stop to think how your parent’s were a whole different type of nightmare. I thought at least with yours they could be helped with treatment, but that doesn’t change what they had done to you.

Ian stops to think about that. Christian was the type of rich boy that their parents threw money at to try to cover up the fact that they were never actually there for them. To the outside world it would seem like he had a great life, but behind closed doors it was anything but. So they both had messed up parents, but unlike Ian, Christian still craved his parent’s attention and approval. Ian wasn’t sure what was sadder that Christian still wanted his parent’s in his life, even though they never gave a crap about him, or that he had given up on his parent’s all together.

Ian pinches the bridge of his nose.

**Ian:** Okay

Mickey throws the clock against the wall as Ian hangs up the phone.

“So you're just going to run right back to him?”

Ian leaves the room to get his clothes.

“What do you expect from me?” he questions slipping on his shirt.

“I want you to make up your goddamn mind!”

“You act like it’s easy, It’s not!”

Mickey throws something else. This time it’s a beer can.

“It is! If you really wanted to be with him you wouldn’t have showed up on my doorstep that first day, and you wouldn’t be here now!”

Ian sighs

“You don’t understand!”

“No really I don’t, so tell me! What is it that makes you care so much about him?”

Ian shakes his head thoughtfully.

“It’s just —“ he takes a breath. Not wanting Mickey to know the whole truth. Not wanting to lose him.

“He saved my life! You don’t know what all he’s done for me.”

“Then tell me! Is that the only reason you are with him? You feel some sort of obligation?”

“No I love him, and I can’t!”

“Why not? You know I’m not going to deal with this shit forever! I don’t like sharing and ain’t nobody’s fucking mistress or whatever the hell it's called!“

Ian’s face turns almost cold, but sad and it reminds Mickey of the look he gave Christian the night before.

“Then don’t! I don’t know why you would even want to.”

“Because I love you asshole! ”

“You shouldn’t!”

Mickey glares at him.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Because Christ open your eyes Mickey! Can’t you tell? I’m seriously fucked up!”

Mickey’s face softens.

“Hey, no don’t say that. “

“I am, I’m not the same person who left here 4 years ago!”

Ian wondered if Mickey would still love him if he knew how different.

“I’m not the same person I was when you left here 4 years ago either.”

“You’re right, you aren’t! you’re better! I’m starting to think me leaving was probably the best thing that ever happened to you”

Mickey throws his covers off, and goes to Ian pulling him tight against him.

“Don’t ever say that! I did change when you left, but it’s only because losing you finally forced me to grow up and deal with who I am. That doesn’t mean it didn’t kill me every day! You are the only person, other than Mandy who ever gave a shit about me and I lost you. “

Ian wraps his arms around him again and kisses him.

“I’m sorry” Ian whispers.

“For what?” Mickey asks.

“For loving me” He gives Mickey one last kiss and leaves.

####  Approximately 3 years prior

_Christian waits until Curtis shows up about five minutes past 7. He can’t help but look him up and down with a smile. He looks really good! Curtis does the same with a small smirk._

_“Didn’t know you would actually show up” says Curtis._

_Christian smiles_

_“I was starting to think the same thing about you.”_

_Suddenly the pink hair girl comes running up to them._

_“Ian you forgot —“she freezes when she sees Christian._

_“Oh my god you’re Christian Alvarez!”_

_Christian is so distracted that she called Curtis 'Ian' that he almost doesn’t answer her._

_“That I am” He turns to Curtis or is it Ian?_

_“So your name is Ian?”_

_Ian blushes and turns away from him._

_“Kat what are you doing here?”_

_“I just—“she’s still a little too flustered to talk. She shoves a wallet into Ian’s hand._

_“You forgot this." she says and then "Why didn’t you tell me your date was Christian Alvarez?” she whispers like Christian can’t hear every word._

_“Because” he tells her “It’s supposed to be a secret. You don’t want people to find out he’s going out with me do you? or he’ll never get elected.”_

_“No!” she says, then shakes head ”I mean—“ she looks at Christian turning red._

_“Wow you are really gorgeous and tall and—“ she slaps her head with the palm of her hand “and I didn’t just say that out loud. Okay I’ll leave you two to it!” She leans in closer to Ian. “I want details!”_

_She starts backing away._

_“Okay well have a nice date, and nice to meet you Mr Alvarez! I'm a big fan! I mean big supporter! Alvarez for senator!” she pumps her fist. “Oh god that was really—“she starts walking backwards faster. “I’m just going to go”_

_“It was nice meeting you Kat!” Christian tells her._

_“and thanks for this” says Ian holding up his wallet._

_She beams at both of them and then hurries away._

_Christian cocks his head at Ian._

_“So it’s Ian?”_

_Ian blushes some more._

_“Yeah, I just don’t usually tell clients my real name”_

_“I know what you thought, but do I look like the type of person who has to pay for sex to you?”_

_Ian looks him up and down again._

_“Actually no you don’t, not at all!”_

_“Okay well IAN ” He makes sure to emphasize the Ian. “Ready to go?”_

_"Yeah, as ready as I'll ever be."_

_they head for Christian’s car._

**-**

_“So why don’t you do relationships“ Christian asks him during their main course._

_Ian takes a big drink of his champagne to wash down his food._

_“They’re too much trouble.”_

_He looks at Christian and their eyes meet for the first time. Christian’s stomach kind of flutters as he looks into those green eyes, but it seems to have opposite effect on Ian. He closes his eyes and takes a calming breath._

_“Are you okay?”_

_Ian eyes fly open and he looks shocked like he doesn't know where he's at._

_“Yeah, I think I might have just drank too much champagne.”_

_It was a lie and Christian knew it, but it’s too soon in whatever this is to question him. So he stays quiet._

_Ian looks back down at his food like he lost his appetite._

_“You got really blue eyes” he says quietly._

_“You don’t like blue eyes?” Christian asks._

_Ian looks up at him now with a forced smile._

_“Why wouldn’t I? They’re beautiful!”_

_His face and tone of voice really don't fit with what he's saying._

_“Thank you?”_

_Christian knows there’s more to it, but it’s not the right time to push him._

_Ian pushes his food away._

_"I'm full"_

_"You don't want any desert?"_

_Ian shakes his head. Then leans over the table._

_"So why did Christian Alvarez of all people want to ask me out?"_

_Christian thinks about that a moment. If he tells him because I haven't been able to get you out of my head for the last couple of weeks it will probably just scare him off. He has enough intimate issues as it was. He didn't want to completely push him away._

_"Why wouldn't I?"_

_Ian laughs._

_"Why do you always reply to me in questions?"_

_Okay he didn't even realize he had been doing that._

_"I —“_

_Ian laughs some more._

_"You don't even know what to say to me without a question do you?"_

_He can win over crowds, but this red head was making him as flustered as Kat was earlier that night._

_"Yes I do"_

_Ian leans back nodding his head in approval._

_"Well that was good for a start!"_

_Christian sighs._

_"I'm sorry I'm just really not used to this dating thing."_

_Ian watches him doubtfully for a moment, but must decide he's not lying._

_So what did you do instead of this dating thing?"_

_"I was just in relationships. There was no need for dating I already knew them."_

_"You know getting to know someone isn't the only reason people go on dates. Didn't you just go out for fun?"_

_Christian shakes his head._

_"No I wasn't actually ever allowed to be seen out in public with them."_

_Ian look's towards him sympathetically._

_"because they were guys and your family doesn't want anybody to know you're gay?"_

_Christian nods. His family would actually kill him if they knew what he was doing right now._

_"You know" says Ian. " You're really good at hiding your sexuality! I had no idea you were gay until you asked me out for coffee this morning."_

_"Lots of practice"_

_"So come on tell me! You have spent all this time hiding your sexuality. So why with what a year before your election do you decide to ask me out?"_

_Christian turns away from from him, and then downs the rest of his champagne. After that the words start running out of his mouth before he can stop them._

_"I have wanted to ask you out since that day you wore that red shirt and khaki pants, and seemed so passionate about your work! I haven't been able to stop thinking about you"_

_He looks at Ian expecting to see him shocked or horrified, but instead he's ginning._

_"Wow Christian Alvarez is my own personal stalker!"_

_He giggles, and Christian feels like he's being made fun of._

_"I wasn't stalking you! I just saw you when I was headed to my main office."_

_Ian doesn't stop laughing. As he picks up his desert menu. Well at least he got his appetite back._

_"Now that we got that out of the way can I ask you another question?"_

_Ian glances up at him for a second before looking back down at the menu._

_"Go ahead"_

_"Why do you get all tensed up sometimes when you look at me?"_

_Ian's face appears again from behind the menu._

_"What do you mean?"_

_He can tell from his eyes alone he knows exactly what he means._

_"It's just sometimes when you look at me especially the times when your not looking straight at me you tense up."_

_"I tense up?"_

_"Yes!"_

_He puts his menu down._

_"You are just really intimidating."_

_"I am?"_

_"Yes very!"_

_"Really? because you don't seem very intimidated!"_

_Ian releases a breath he must have been holding._

_"It's just sometimes you remind of someone I used to know."_

_He thinks this is probably the most open he's going to get him all night. So he continues on._

_"What did he do?"_

_"Oh nothing! He just an ex I rather not think about him."_

_and just that fast he's closed off again._

_"So Christian Alavarez are you going to ask me out for a second date, or for my number, or is this it?"_

_Christian can't help but smile at him._

_"I thought you were only allowing me one date?"_

_Ian shrugs_

_"Well we still didn't have sex yet, so I suppose I can give it another chance."_

_"So if we slept together tonight you wouldn't go out with me again? "_

_"I don't know, it depends on how good you are!"_

_This guy was going to kill him._

* * *

Ian curses as he drives into the drive, and recognizes the black convertible in the driveway. He pulls in and walks into the house. Christian looks up to him his eye’s widening when he sees the state he’s in.

Suddenly a blonde appears before him attacking him with a hug.

“Ian!” Lorrie squeals. “How could you two disappear without telling me? I was so worried!” She looks Ian up and down. Her fingers quickly going to stroke his neck. She turns to look at Christian disapprovingly.

“I told you! No rough sex unless we had people to cover it up. What if the papers found out where you were?”

Christian’s eyes shoot daggers at Ian, because he knows those aren’t his marks on Ian’s neck.

“Lorrie, can you give Ian and I some privacy please!” Ian can tell Christian wanted to sound calm for Lorrie, but the words come out sharp.

Lorrie turns to him surprised by the tone in his voice.

“Sure, I have some things to work on” 

She gives Ian a kiss on the cheek, and then leans into whisper into his ear.

“I don’t know what you did to piss him off like that, but good luck! Remember he’s like a dog. If he gets too bad just hit him on the nose!”

Ian laughs, but it holds no humor.

“See you Lorrie” Ian says.

feeling for an instant that it might be the last time he ever saw her.

She gives them one last smile before she leaves out the front door.

Christian buries his face in hands, before looking back up at him. Ian starts to speak, but Christian stops him.

“Don’t” he shakes his head. “I’m done!”

He gets up and grabs his coat. Ian can only watch him. He knew sooner or later he was going to push one of them too far. He just didn’t expect Christian to give up like this. It hurts and his chest starts to feel tight again.

“Christian!” It comes out like a chocked cry. He holds his arms tighter around himself feeling cold and needs his nails to dig into something. He can't lose him. Christian halts at the door way. His hands turn white as they clutch to his sides.

He stands there for a moment motionless. Ian tries to speak again, but the words are caught in his throat. What can he say? The best thing to do is just to let him go.

Christian drops his coat and he turns to Ian his eyes burning. Ian waits for him to say something, but he doesn’t,

Christian takes a step towards him. They look at each other a long beat. Then Christian is in front of him. He pulls Ian close, his hand going around his waist, he kisses him.

It’s soft and Christian lets out a pained sound. Ian can taste the tears as they run over his lips. He knows Christian must hate himself for this. Christian was always so strong, but his weakness for Ian was undeniable. Ian knew he hated himself for both Christian and Mickey. That he had hated himself for so long he doesn’t even know what it feels like to be completely happy anymore. Mickey was right he is using them, but not in the way Mickey thinks.

Christian grabs on to his hips lifting him until Ian’s legs instinctively go around his waist. Christian carries him to the bedroom.

* * *

Mandy comes walking into the house a bag over her arm holding a Pizza box and a six pack of soda’s. Mickey rushes to help her.

“Hey shithead” she greets.

“Hey, what brings you two here” he asks motioning to her belly.

She shrugs.

“Lip’s been annoying me so I thought I’ll come over to hang out.” She looks around the room.

“Ian here?”

He shakes his head.

“No he left this morning.”

She nods

“You should have seen him with Christian last night after you left. I thought he was going to kill him!”

“That would have been nice” Mickey says back. 

She snickers

“You’re such an asshole” She lowers herself onto the couch slowly like it’s the most complicated thing in the world.

She tosses the bag at Mickey.

“Brought these for us to watch”

Mickey opens the bag and pulls out two movies. He looks at his sister to see if she’s serious.

“The Notebook and Sweet Home Alabama? You actually think I’m going to watch this girly shit?”

She sighs heavily

“Just shut up asshole and put on the movies.”

Not wanting to deal with the wrath of his pregnant sister he does just that.

####  Approximately 2 years 1 month prior

_Ian and whatever the hell this guy’s name is are interrupted by a loud banging on the door. The guy jumps off Ian quickly._

_“Shit it’s the cops!” he whispers and grabs for his clothes. Ian just lays there waiting. He waits for the guy to disappear into the bathroom, before he slips on his own clothes and opens the door._

_Christian brushes past him and starts looking around the room. ___

_“So where is he?”_

_“Where’s who?” Ian asks feigning ignorance._

_“The guy you were with!”_

_Ian yawns shrugging._

_“Probably left through the bathroom window by now.”_

_Christian hurries to the bathroom. Ian just stands there waiting for him to return. Christian walks out and goes to him, yanking up his chin and looking him in the eyes._

_“You’re on drugs”_

_“Fuck off” Ian retorts , lighting a cigarette._

_Christian jerks it out of his mouth and throws it on the floor stomping it out._

_“Hey” Ian protests._

_“Where have you been?”_

_“Around, how did you even find me?”_

_“I had you followed.”_

_Ian gives him a dirty look._

_“Fucking stalker!”_

_“I was worried about you!”_

_“Why? I thought I made it clear we’re over.”_

_Christian looks at him nonplussed._

_“Really? Thanks for telling me!”_

_Ian takes out another cigarette._

_“Well I’m telling you now!”_

_Christian takes the cigarette away, along with the rest of the pack, and takes a seat in the chair. Staying as far away from the bed as possible._

_“Is this because I told you I loved you?”_

_“Yes! I told you not to!” Ian answers bitterly._

_“I didn’t think you were serious?” Christian’s voice is calm despite the circumstances._

_Ian hates how calm he can be in these types of situations. Mickey would already be cussing and yelling at him by now! Damn Mickey! Why did he always have to think about Mickey?_

_“I don’t believe in love”_

_“bullshit!” Christian says exasperated._

_“You think you’re so smart, but you seem pretty stupid to me sometimes. Stop trying to be such a know it all!“_

_Christian huffs a laugh_

_“Ian why are you doing this? I know you love me too or you wouldn’t have run away. You’re just scared of something or someone.”_

_Ian’s head jerks towards him._

_“What?”_

_“I know you believe in love and I know that’s why you are so scared of it. Somebody you loved hurt you and you been running away from it ever since.“_

_Ian picks up a pillow and hurls it at him._

_“You don’t know shit!”_

_Christian catches the pillow and stands up taking a step towards him._

_“Yes I do! Sometimes when you sleep you still beg him not to do it, whatever it is, and you still beg him to ask you to stay.“_

_Ian deflates the anger fading, leaving him feeling empty._

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about”_

_Christian walks to him and touches his face. Ian jerks away at the contact._

_“Just stop running! You don’t have to run anymore.” Christian tells him tenderly._

_He takes off his coat wrapping it around Ian’s shoulders._.

_“Come on I’m having Lorrie take you to the hospital.”_

_“For what?”_

_Christian raises an eyebrow at him._

_“For starters to get those drugs out of your system, and then we’re going to get you some help.”_

_“Fuck that, I don’t need any help” Ian says, but still let’s Christian usher him out the door._

-

_Outside Christian leads him into the car._

_Lorrie grabs him pulling him into a hug._

_"We were so worried about you"_

_"Well maybe you were. I doubt he really was." Ian tells her._

_Christian let's out a strangled laugh._

_"You know how crazy you drive me sometimes? I swear at times you're no better than a child."_

_"If I'm too immature for you then maybe you shouldn't have gotten together with a 19 year old!"_

_"Please both of you just stop it!" Lorrie pleads._

_"Lorrie we need to take him to Dr. Schultz"_

_Meaning the Alvarez family's personal physician_

_"I thought you said she was taking me to the hospital? or are you too afraid people might find out your boyfriends a drug attic? Oh wait that would mean they would have to actually know I'm your boyfriend!"_

_Christian ignores him instead talking to Lorrie._

_He's on something! I just don't know what, and I don't know what the hospital would do to him._

_She nods and grabs for her phone._

_Christian settles back in his seat and put's his arm around Ian. Ian wants to move away out of spite, but he so cold and tired, and Christian feel's really warm._

**-**

_Ian is curled up in bed when he gets woken up by people talking outside the door. His whole body hurts from the withdrawals, but he still strains to listen._

_"I'm afraid I don't have any better answers. I'm not a psychiatrist, but he is suffering from something and this self-medicating is only making it worse."_

_Christian sighs tiredly._

_"Okay, well thank you for everything doctor!"_

_"Anytime! but if you don't mind me being blunt this one seems like a lost cause. You have such a bright future. Try not to mess that up."_

_"Thanks Doctor, but he is my future.I won't give up on him that easily. He'll get better!"_

_"I sure hope so! Goodnight Mr. Alvarez!"_

_"Goodnight"_

Christian walks into the room and looks at him. He closes the door softly.

_"Hey, how are you feeling."_

_"like shit!"_

_He moves closer to Christian when he lays down beside him on the bed._

_"He thinks I'm crazy doesn't he?"_

_"Yes"_

_"Do you?"_

_Christian smiles tiredly at him._

_"always have."_

_He wraps his arms around Ian and kisses his head._

_"wow thanks"_

_Christian laughs softly._

_They stay quiet for a couple minutes, and then Ian looks up at him._

_"Please don't leave me!" he pleads._

_Christian shifts so they are face to face. He kisses him softly._

_"I wont"_

* * *

“You know” Mickey says coming back into the room with more food. “I think Allie made the right choice! Noah obviously loved her much more than that Lon guy!” He drops the food when he see’s his sister.

She’s holding her belly looking down at what looks like a large wet spot on the floor looking aghast. She let’s out a scream.

“Mickey!”

**-**

Once at the hospital Mickey is left having to call the others. Lip is first to arrive followed closely by his family. All that is, but Ian who won’t answer anybody’s calls.

After an hour or so watching Lip freaking out as Mandy refuses to see him, and only let’s Fiona and Debbie into the room. Atop of having to deal with the whole Gallagher clan including Kevin and Vee, he picks up the phone to try Ian again.

After the third ring Ian answers.

**Ian:** Hello?

**Mickey:** Ian what the hell man? Why haven’t you been answering your phone?

**Ian:** Mickey?

“Have you been blocking Mickey’s calls?” he can hear Ian mutter quietly. 

**Ian:** What phone are you using?

**Mickey:** The hospital's phone! Mandy’s in labor asshole! What the fuck have you been doing this whole time?

**Ian:** Nothing! Why are you so mad?

Mickey is already hanging up. He can only imagine one thing they could have been doing, for it to take this long for Ian to answer.

Ian and Christian show up about half an hour later. Everybody but Mickey is happy to see them, but he has to admit just like everybody else he is surprised as hell to see Christian. He’s wearing Jeans, a t-shirt and a baseball cap. He almost looks normal. Mickey doesn’t like it at all! It messes with his image of the rich asshole in his head.

Ian goes straight to Mandy, and Christian takes a seat right next to Mickey.

He gives him a smirk and a pat on his leg.

“Mickey! Nice to see you!” he says and then more quietly he adds “I’m so going to kill you.”

“Go ahead and try” Mickey spits back at him. Kevin walks over to them.

“Whoah,Whoah,Whoah! Come on guys, why don't we split up. This is about Mandy! We don’t need you two going at it again!”

Christian moves one seat over.

Kevin smiles at him

“Play nice boys” Kevin tells them before going back to his wife.

Ian finally emergence’s a little over an hour later looking exhausted. He goes to his brother.

“She want’s you.”

Lip takes a deep breath preparing himself and goes to his wife.

Ian walks over to the two objects of his affection and only stares at them.

Then eventually he sighs and sits down.

“I’m not even going to ask” he says his head falling back against the wall as he closes his eyes.

Christian stands up and kisses his forehead.

“I’ll go get you some coffee”

“mmk, thanks” Ian mumbles.

A couple minutes after Christian leaves, Ian opens his eyes to look over at Mickey.

“Are you still mad at me?”

“Yes” Mickey answers, but he still wraps his arm around Ian’s shoulders. So Ian’s can rest his head on his chest. Ian does so easily.

“I love you Mick you know that right?”

“I thought you did, but I don’t even know anymore.” Mickey answers.

“I do”

Mickey’s face goes to Ian’s hair and he exhales softly.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” Mickey tells him sadly.

Ian looks up at him

“Thanks for staying for this long. I know I make it hard.”

“Not arguing with that!”

Ian laughs and Mickey loves the feel of it against his chest.

“I love you too firecroch!”

Ian smiles.

When Christian returns Ian’s already passed out. He frowns seeing him draped over Mickey and reaches over to nudge Ian awake.

“Hey”

Ian’s eyes open slowly and he looks at him.

“Hey”

Christian hands him the coffee.

“Sorry, It took me forever to find a coffee shop open at this hour.”

Ian nods and starts sipping his coffee.

“Thanks”

The coffee doesn’t last very long, and Ian’s back to sleep in no time, but this time he's draped over Christian. Mickey wants to knock the smug expression off the asshole’s face.

Suddenly Christian’s face turns serious.

“You know you have a lot of nerve Mickey!”

Mickey laughs

“For what? Fucking your guy?”

“No for trying to get him back in the first place. You know how long it took for me to repair what you broke? “

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You really like that word don’t you?” asks Christian before shaking his head.

“When I found him he was a prostitute, starving and on so many drugs he couldn’t even think straight half the time. He thought it was the only thing to numb the pain you caused him. He fought with me for so long, because he was too afraid to fall in love again! I don’t know what you did, but if this ends with him going back with you, and you hurt him again no more idle threats. I really will kill you!”

Mickey could tell he was telling the truth, and he has to admit he's a little glad how protective the guy was for Ian. Maybe he isn't a complete asshole or at least he isn't to everyone that isn't him. As for the rest of what he said. It seems he has a lot to think about.

**-**

Four hours later Aiden Ian Gallagher is born. Mandy smiles brightly as they all enter the room. Mickey doesn’t think he had ever seen his sister look so happy.

She points to Mickey “There’s your uncle Mickey , oh and!” She turns to Ian.

“That’s your godfather and Uncle Ian!”

“Why did you name him after Ian” Carl laughs out “I thought Lip was the father?”

Lip hits him, really not liking his brother’s joke.

“Because” Mandy says bouncing the baby softly and talking to him instead of Carl “Uncle Ian is mommy's favorite guy in the world, after you of course!” she tells him kissing the top of his head.

Lip snorts out a laugh looking to Mickey.

“How about that? Her husband and own brother passed up by her best friend?”

Mickey doesn’t mind. Ian was his favorite guy in the world too, but the one giving out a small yawn as he snuggled closer to his mother might give him a run for it.

* * *

Mickey doesn’t see Ian for days after that night in the hospital. Thinking Ian had made up his mind and wasn't going to tell him, he drives to the rental house.

He starts banging on the door. Christian answers it after a couple minutes. Not even surprised to see him.

He moves out of the way letting Mickey in.

“Where’s Ian” Mickey asks looking all over.

Christian rubs at his face.

“In the bedroom”

Mickey finally gets a good look at him. He looks all ashen and there’s deep bruises under his eyes like he hasn’t slept in days.

“Fucks wrong with you?”

Christian only motions towards the bedroom in response. Mickey heads for the bedroom halting when he gets to the doorway. Ian’s in the bed the covers wrapped tightly around him. His hair drenched in sweat.

“I told you I’m fine! So just leave me alone!” Ian yells.

“It’s Mickey” Mickey says.

Ian stiffens, but doesn’t say anything.

“What’s wrong?”

Still no answer

Mickey goes to the bed and sits next to him he reaches out wiping some hair off Ian’s forehead. Ian flinches away.

“Ian?”

“Just leave me alone Mickey I'm tired”

He doesn’t know how he knows, but he knows that’s not the truth, and he tries not to think about how much this reminds him of the night his Mother died.

“You know” Mickey say’s quietly. Afraid if he spoke too loud Ian might force him to leave.

“Christian told me what you were like when he found you” Ian winces.

“I don’t know what this is, but I know you need to hear this now. I know what you were afraid to tell me before, and I know Christian helped you overcome that, but none of that bothers me. I still love you and I still want you. I’m sorry you had to go through that! I’m sorry if I caused it! So take all the time you need! I’m not going to push you to make a decision anymore! I understand how hard it is for you now, because he was there for you when you needed him and I wasn't. If you decide to come back to me I promise I will spend the rest of my life making up for all the stupid things I’ve done in the past. All I want is to marry you and have little red headed babies who have your eyes and smile. You don’t know how much I want that!”

He kisses the top of his head

“I love you”


	7. What have I become?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past Ian returns home and in the present Ian chooses who he want's to be with, but the other isn't ready to let go yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a long time since this has been updated, but I have depression with a bunch of other things, and 2015 was a really bad year for me, but I'm doing better. So I'm go try and get these stories finished finally. 
> 
> I used my own experience to help me explain a lot about Mental illness in this chapter. I wanted to make the explanations as real as I could. I might not have Bipolar, but I dealt with a lot they have and have been on plenty of Bipolar medications. So I know what I'm talking about. I also have people in my life with Bipolar and worse. So a lot that's said is real. Even Christian's cousin is based off a real person whose family I had to make see the truth. Also a lot of the beginning is based off off my own feelings about when Ian disappeared. I was pissed that they didn't seem to care as much about Ian being gone as they did about Frank in previous seasons, and even Fiona in the third. With Fiona it was different, but I was still thinking the whole time that they didn't do a lot for Ian until the Army showed up. I don't care if he sent them texts or postcards. The show handled the Ian situation badly and I let my frustrations over it show in this chapter. 
> 
> The chapter title is based on Hurt by Nine Inch Nails
> 
> Also please read the end notes where I explained why this chapter ended up the way it did.

###  **Approximately 10 month’s prior**

**_Christian_ **

_While they sit in the car staring out at the house; neither said anything. It was hard to get Ian to come here in the first place. The Dr. even insisted that it would help him to heal if he could confront his past and this seemed like the best place to start. Christian had grown up in a bad family, but the family Ian had explained to him didn’t seem that way at all. His parents might be messed up, but the relationship he had with his siblings was special. So he couldn’t believe they didn’t miss him, but Ian did, and nothing Christian could do or say could change that. To Ian his family had abandoned him. Nobody cared he was gone. Nobody came looking for him. “Maybe” Ian had told him once. “If he wasn’t just their half-brother they would have cared more” It took the medication to clear his mind and realize what he thought was the truth about his family. While he was still messed up he didn’t care, but he did now and Christian could tell it hurt him._

_Ian finally opened the door with a sigh. He still wasn’t all the way alright. The Dr. had told them that it could take a while to find the right medication. So at first Christian was hesitant to ask him to do this, but hopefully they could get through to him. Maybe they could make him see the truth and at least take away some of his pain. That is if he was right about Ian’s family and Ian wasn’t. That is actually a lot to hope for when he had never met Ian’s family and Ian had grown up with them. Some part of him is a bit worried Ian was right. As for the rest of Ian’s problems he understood they might never go away._

_Ian turns back to him a little annoyed, but afraid as well. “Well aren’t you coming? This was your idea!” Christian gets out and Ian slams his door shut._

_Ian walks towards the house a few feet ahead of him. “At least now you can see what I’ve been trying to tell you!” He yells back to him over his shoulder._

_Ian knocks on the door, showing Christian even more that he no longer considered this his home or family._

_There’s some yelling inside and after a few minutes a teenage boy answers with an irritated “WHAT?” before stopping short._

_His brown eyes go wide. A girl brushes hard past him, her red hair the same color as Ian’s. “Who is it?” She asks before turning towards them._

_Just by Ian’s description’s he could tell who these two were; Debbie and Carl. Debbie’s mouth drops open and she takes a step back. Ian doesn’t say anything to them. He doesn’t even move._

_Christian turns to him when Debbie whispers. “Ian?” Before bubbling sobs explode from her chest and she’s attacking Ian punching him and crying._

_That breaks Carl out of whatever he had been thinking. He grabs onto Ian’s arm, the one arm that wasn’t trying to contain his sister and looks afraid that if he let go Ian wouldn’t be there anymore. He starts yelling for Fiona._

_Christian watches them not knowing if he should say something or give them space. That’s when he sees who must be Fiona._

_“What’s going on?” she asks coming into the room._

_There is no way she could possibly see Ian between the two teens, but she must see something because she lets out a cry “Oh my god! Ian!” She covers her mouth as her body is wracked with tears. Ian must hear her because he manages to move away enough from his teen siblings and looks right at her._

_“NO,NO,NO!” Ian yells as he stares at her for the longest time, before jerking away from his brother and sister completely, and rushing back to the car. They call after him, but he doesn’t turn back._

_Christian watches him go and then looks back to Ian’s family who seem to be recovering. For an awkward moment he doesn’t know if he should go after Ian or say something, but what can he say?_

_With a deep breath he tells them “I’m sorry, he’s not himself. I’ll go talk to him.”_

_Maybe it’s how they are staring at him now or maybe they just noticed he was there, but at that moment part of him wishes he could just run off to the car too. He had wanted Ian to see that he still had a family, but now he’s starting to feel like maybe this wasn’t the best time. What if he made it worse?_

_Debbie wipes at her face and gives him a relieved smile. “Thank you” she says, and before he could ask why she adds “Thanks for bringing my brother home. “ He nods. "sure"_

_Not knowing what to say he looks back at the car. She must understand what he must be thinking because she says “He’ll come back in when he’s ready” Christian gives her a forced smile, because he’s not entirely sure he will._

_Fiona comes to the door to meet him. She smiles at him and he notices that even though her face is still covered in tears, that seeing her brother had seemed to change her somehow._

_“Hi I’m Fiona” she says reaching for his hand. He takes it with a real smile this time. “Yeah I know he’s told me a lot about you. I’m Christian.”_

_As he talked to Fiona and Debbie, Carl had been studying him. “Are you his boyfriend?” he asks. Debbie hits him “Shut up Carl!”_

_Fiona ignores them “Are you hungry? Dinner’s almost ready.” He shakes his head “Thanks, but I better check on Ian” she nods._

_“Okay well just come in when you’re ready.” He looks back at the car and then back at Fiona “Ian is” he stops, that’s not for him to share. If or when Ian wants them to know the truth he’ll tell them himself._

_Fiona looks at the car. “Wow nice car!” she commented obviously noticing how uncomfortable he is._

_Carl pushes past her “Can I drive it” he asks. Christian stares at him. “How old are you again?” Fiona pushes her brother back._

_“He really doesn’t want to see us does he?” she asks doubtful. Christian shakes his head. “It’s not that.” he lies, but he wonders if that’s still the case._

_“He’s not leaving again is he?” Carl asks. I don’t know Christian thinks, but out loud he tells them “no” before excusing himself to go check on Ian._

_He finds Ian in the back seat digging a hole into the rental cars upholstery with his pocket knife. One day he was going to manage to get that stupid thing away from him. He glances over at Christian as he opens the door, but Christian doesn’t say anything. He just sits on the curb waiting for Ian to talk first._

_After several long minutes and many more holes in the seat, Ian does. “They have no right to be that upset.” He retorts. Christian groans “They obviously missed you Ian!” Ian just stares back at the seat and his knife._

_“Well they fooled me” With a loud aggravated sigh Christian stands up slamming the door and goes to the other side of the car. “Okay” he tells him “if you really want to keep believing all that wasn’t real then we can just go home and act like this never happened.” Ian stares up at him as if trying to figure out if he’s serious._

_“You were the one who insisted we come, and now it’s okay with you if we just leave?“_

_Christian looks back at the house and sees Carl and Debbie looking out the window, before disappearing when they see him notice them. He opens the door closest to Ian and kneels in front of him to take his hand._

_“No it isn’t okay with me! They were really surprised to see you and I could tell losing you had really hurt them. If you really want to go we will, but the family you told me about doesn’t seem like a family that would just stop caring for no reason. I know you have your doubts, but didn’t that at least prove something to you?” Ian reluctantly agrees and after a couple of minutes he takes Christian’s hand and they head back towards the house._

_**IAN**_

_He’s terrified to go back in. For so long he made himself believe that nobody cared about him. That before Christian the only people he had was Kat and Mandy although he wasn’t sure if he’ll ever see her again. Now the truth was smacking him in the face. It makes him feel horrible, but there was still that part of him that believed none of this was real. It nagged at him pulling his insides apart, and he felt like none of this was right. He still wants to scream at them. He’s still so angry. He should want to apologize and tell them he was sorry for everything, but no matter what two questions won’t stop yelling in his mind. How long did it take for them to even look for him? Or did they even look at all? He closes his eyes and squeezes Christians hand hard, before opening them to look over at him. To everyone else Christian would seem just like any other guy. Dressing casual was always his way of hiding, but Ian always told him it didn’t make much of a difference. Here in the South side of Chicago all the way across the country he might get away with it. He thinks about Christian’s people back home and how furious they must be that he took off on them again, and with Ian of all people. Most of them hated him and in some sick way he loved it. He smiles slightly, but stops as hears the arguing inside. He notices it’s Fiona and Lip, when did he show up?_

_He knows his brother’s going to be angry, and probably blame him for every bad thing that has happened to them for the past three years or however long it's been. He almost asks to leave and come back tomorrow when everybody had a chance to calm down. After he had a chance to calm down, but as soon as they take another step the front door swings open. Debbie throws herself at him again, hugging him and right after that Carl does the same. The arguing ceases behind them and Debbie is dragging them inside. Most likely so he wouldn’t run again._

_He sees Lip who only stares at him in disbelief. Fiona crosses the room until she is in front of him, and slaps him hard across the face. He feels Christian flinch beside him, but before he could even register what just happened she’s hugging him and crying too._

_“You’re such an asshole! Don’t ever do that again!” She pulls back and takes his face into her hands. “I missed you so much! I was so worried about you!”_

_He must not have been paying attention because in what seems like an instant Christian lets go of his hand, and has Lip pinned against the door. “Lip what the hell is wrong with you?” Fiona yells at him_

_Lip attempts to struggle away from Christian, before surrendering. “I won’t hurt him, okay!” Christian turns to Ian. Then Ian finds himself talking for the first time. “It’s okay let him go” Christian does, but still stands between him and his brother._

_Lip gapes at Christian while rubbing his shoulder. “What the fuck?” Carl chuckle’s beside them “That was awesome!” Christian’s face turns almost deadly as he looks at Lip “Don’t try that again!”_

_Ian can tell Lip still wants to hit him or whatever it was he was about to do before Christian stopped him, but he doesn’t attempt it again. He only stares at Ian. For an instant Ian thinks he sees the anger vanish. Just for an instant though, because Lip then looks at him with hate. So not everyone was happy to see him then, and he had to admit that it hurt._

_“So” Lip says. “What made you decide to come back?” Ian almost tells him the truth out of spite, but Lip continues before he can say anything._

_“Just look at him he’s all fucked up.” Lip points out as if everyone is stupid. “Am I the only one that’s noticed he’s barely said a word since walking in here? The only thing he’s done is tell his bodyguard to back down.” Christian stiffens and Ian knows that Lip is really starting to piss him off._

_So he man’s up and steps towards him. “Yeah” he agrees “I am fucked up. I have been for a long time.”_

_Lip looks at him disgusted “Don’t try to make yourself out to be the victim! Three years Ian! You disappeared for three years! We had no idea what happened to you! We didn’t even know if you were alive! Do you know how that made us feel? How could you do that to us? Fiona had a nervous breakdown” Lip shouts frustrated. “Carl got locked up, Debbie started cutting herself! Do you understand what you did to this family?” his anger fades away, and all that’s left now is pain. “Do you understand what you did to me? You’re my little brother. I lost my best friend!”_

_Ian shakes his head. “No I don’t, I’m sorry” Christian must realize Lip isn’t going to hurt him, because he steps away and let’s Lip get close enough to hug him. Lip kisses the side of his head and hugs him close “Where the hell have you been?” he mumbles. “I don’t know” Ian answers truthfully._

_Later on Kevin and Vee are there as well, and it’s time to talk. They all sit around the room staring at him expectantly. Under their gazes he wants to run back to the car and go back to LA and forget this ever happened, but they deserve more than that. Why does it have to be so hard? Why does it feel like he’s sitting in a room surrounded by strangers and not his family?_

_“So where were you really?” Debbie asks._

_He thinks of what to answer then settles on “I don’t know, around, a lot of places actually. Some I don’t remember.“_

_He takes a breath. “But for a while I’ve been in Los Angeles” Christian snorts and Ian glares at him, everyone notices._

_“Okay I’ve been around California and some other places in between.” He gives Christian a look to tell him they don’t need to know the whole truth yet. They don’t need to know for the past 2 years or so he would stay with Christian for a while, before disappearing. He knew he was falling for him and that scared him, but not as much as the thought that one time Christian might not look for him at all. He didn’t want to lose anyone else._

_“Why?” asks Carl “Why did you leave in the first place?” For a moment he doesn’t know how to answer and his eyes meet Lip, but Lip doesn’t seem to remember or acts like he doesn’t, because he stays quiet._

_“I was stupid” he finally admits. “I really don’t even know why anymore.”_

_The room is quiet and Lip brings up his question from earlier. “What made you come back?” Ian looks at Christian and knows he will support any lie he gives them, but he decides to tell the truth._

_“Christian, I guess he thought if I finally confronted you it would help.”_

_They all just stare at him and at each other, before Debbie asks the question they must all be dying to ask._

_“So if he didn’t, you wouldn’t have come back?” her voice is shaky and she starts crying again, but he started this and there was no way to go back now._

_“No” he replies honestly and looks at Christian who looks at him sadly, but it’s better than looking at his family._

_He ignores their outbursts and anger and continues on. “You know there’s ways you can check if a specific person was ever reported as a runaway or reported missing at all?” he manages to say to them coldly, as he remembers why he shouldn’t feel as bad as he does, and why he had felt the way he did about them for so long. Everybody goes quiet. “How long did it really take you to look for me? How long until you even realized I was gone?”_

_Now he realizes he’s crying because his next words come out strangled. “How long? Because to me it didn’t seem like you looked at all.” He stops for a second and closes his eyes._

_Christian pulls at his hand and they go to the other side of the room. He takes off his hat and runs a hand through his dark hair. “You never told me that! If I knew… I’m sorry I shouldn’t have made you come back. “He makes a frustrated sound and Ian knows that it’s for his family and not for him. “I’m sorry, just next time tell me everything okay?” Ian kisses his forehead. “It’s fine, it’s not your fault, and I do feel better.” Christian seems to doubt that, but Fiona talks making them turn._

_“Ian please don’t leave again! We have been looking for you for so long. I know what both of you must be thinking, but it isn’t the truth! We looked for you! We never stopped looking for you, but all we ever found was something you left behind, which was a lot! We found your stuff for weeks. We always thought we were getting closer, but you always seemed a week or two ahead of us. After a while we stopped finding anything at all and by then nobody had heard from you in over a year. Mandy told us you used to text her after you first left, but stopped, and she could never get a hold of you again.”_

_Debbie stands up then and starts yelling at Fiona. “I told you we should’ve looked for him earlier, but you were too busy with whoever you were fucking at the time to care!”_

_“DEBBIE!” Lip tries to stop her, but she doesn’t stop. “None of you did! You were too busy with your own lives. Liam and I were the only two who were looking for Ian, until Mandy told you he stopped talking to her. Then you forced to realize something was wrong!” Fiona buries her face in her hands and everybody else stays quiet. Fiona gives Ian a tearful gaze._

_“I was worried about you! It’s just you were 17 and I trusted you! I just thought you needed time, that you would come back when you were ready. If I had known how bad it was I would have never.“She chokes back a sob “I’m sorry Ian, I’m so sorry! Everything was so messed up back then!“_

_She looks up at Lip and Ian guesses now it’s his turn to talk. “Okay I was too caught up in college to realize what was going on. I didn’t even know that nobody had heard from you until Mandy showed up at my dorm room one day and told me. Debbie and I went looking for you. We found two places where you stayed.” He stops as if thinking if he should continue._

_“and someone else found the two places where you worked, but all they could say was that you just stopped showing up.“ Ian’s actually surprised that they’re actually telling him the truth._

_He could feel Christian shift uncomfortably beside him “How long was he gone before that happened?” Christian asks exasperated._

_They all look at each other. Fiona shrugs crossing her arms around her chest “Maybe 8 or 9 months.”_

_Christian scoffs. “No wonder he felt abandoned. He was only 17 years old!” Fiona sighs sadly._

_“I know it sounds horrible, but the kids in our family have to grow up fast, and like I said before I trusted him to come home when he was ready, but believe me I was worried!” That doesn’t seem to make Christian less angry._

_Ian finds himself more thankful Christian is there because he seems to find the right question when he himself can’t even form a sentence. “So why didn’t you file a missing persons report or did I miss the part where you answered that?”_

_“We did!” Fiona answers perking up a little. She gets up and goes to a drawer and finds a paper and hands it to Ian._

_“But I looked” Ian says confused looking down at it._

_Fiona and Lip look at each other._

_“Well when you did it probably wasn’t filed yet. We thought we could find you ourselves, but you see how that worked out. So eventually this was the only option we had left."_ Fiona comments. 

_Ian rubs his face. “Oh”_

_“So is that why you stayed away for so long because you thought we didn’t care about you?” Debbie Inquiries._

_Ian shakes his head. “It was why I didn’t want to come here today, but why I was gone is more complicated."_

_He looks at Christian who nods at him in encouragement._

_“I don’t know remember a lot about the first year I was gone, and I wouldn’t remember the past two years or so if it wasn’t for Christian.”_

_“Ian what do you mean you don’t remember?” Lip asks and he can tell by the tone of his voice he’s figuring it out._

_“I—“ he swallows hard. “I’m sick and have been for a while” He holds his hand up when he sees they’re all about to ask a lot of questions. “Not sick as in Cancer sick or anything, but Monica sick”_

_“Oh Ian” it’s Fiona, but he tries to block out the others for a moment. It’s the only way he’s going to get through this._

_“I started to get the symptoms not long after I left, but I was too messed up to notice. The doctor said the drugs and alcohol was my way of self-medicating or something like that, and apparently that made everything worse. I remember some stuff, but a lot of stuff I can’t. I’m kind of grateful for that, because I don’t have to remember some of the horrible things I did. What I do remember is bad enough.”_

_“How long has it been since you found out you were sick?” Vee wonders out loud and he turns to find his siblings staring at him in shocked silence._

_“I don’t know like 7 months ago. I had a really bad episode so Christian made me get help.” He smiles over at Christian. “Not like it exactly made things better all of sudden. Mental illness isn’t really something you can cure or take something and magically get better. It’s a lot of work. I have to see two different kinds of doctors and the medications can be hell! For the first month or two on a new medication I sleep a lot, and some make me even crazier.” He shudders remembering the last bad one. He had tried to kill Christian and himself, because in his mind it was the right thing to do, and when they told the prescribing doctor about it he wasn’t even surprised. Supposedly that pill has that effect on some people. He just didn’t warn them._

_“But you look fine to me” Carl comments._

_“Yeah I guess I’m on a mix that’s working. At least for awhile.”_

_“For awhile?” Debbie asks._

_“Yeah just because they’re making me better right now doesn’t mean that they won’t stop working eventually. There’s also a possibility that some new symptoms might appear. Right now I’m on a mood stabilizer, an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety pill, but one day that might not be enough or they might start to affect each other badly.”_

_He shrugs “So if I seem off too you that’s probably why.”_

_They all stare at him and then all get up and hug him._

-

 _They leave that night promising to come back tomorrow. He also got a chance to meet his niece. It turns out Fiona ended up eloping with Jimmy after she found out she was pregnant and is now pregnant again. He didn’t even notice the baby bump before, but Vee with some disdain had told them even with the first baby Fiona never showed much until she was ready to pop. So her pregnancy wasn’t very noticeable to begin with, and Vee spent a lot of time telling her how much she hated her for it. She also warned them that Fiona is nauseating to be around while pregnant. Fiona just laughed off all of the comments, but the others agreed, and now they all seemed a little too happy by the prospect that Ian would now have to share in their pain. Christian was really confused by all of this, because he couldn’t understand what could be so wrong with a woman that enjoyed pregnancy? Vee straight up just told him “it’s just wrong!” and that he’ll understand when he gets to meet the real Fiona, and not this person she turned into while pregnant. As for Liam they brought him back from whatever friend’s house he had been playing at, and although he hesitated for a minute he actually remembered Ian._

_As they head for the car Ian just happens to notice a lump in the snow. He heads that direction “Hi Frank” he says looking down at his father._

_Christian stays a few feet away just watching as Frank focuses on Ian and gets the strangest look on his face. One that Ian has never seen before. “Ian?” he says, looking like he’s staring at a ghost._

_Frank sits up to look at him better and takes a drink of his beer. “What the hell happened to you?”_

_Fiona comes out and stands beside them. Frank looks at her. “Why didn’t you tell me he came back? I have a right to know these things! None of you shits would even be here if it wasn't for me!” Fiona looks down at the snow like she doesn’t know what to do. Then looks back up at him with a forced smile and Ian wonders what’s going on. Why doesn’t she just tell him he didn’t have a right to know? Why does she look so guilty?_

_“I’m still surprised you actually realized he was gone in the first place, and asked where he was.” She replies, before helping Frank up._

_Frank asked about him and realized he was gone?_

_“Come on Frank why don’t you sleep on the couch tonight and sober up, so you can talk to Ian tomorrow.” Frank looks at her confused again and breaks away from her._

_“You think I'm some kind of idiot? Don’t you think I would notice if one of my children just up and disappeared for —“ he stops to think. “A really long time!” he finishes._

_“Three years Frank” Lip yells towards him._

_“Three years” Frank repeats” A Father knows those kind of things.”_

_“Really and since when have you been a Father?” Lip asks, but Frank ignores him, his attention is already back on Ian._

_Frank looks at him for the longest time, and an array of emotions flicker across his face, before he reaches out and takes Ian’s face between his hands, making Ian look at him in panic. “Welcome home son.” Frank says with a smile and a manic laugh escapes him, before stumbling back into the snow._

-

 _Ian Is still wound up from seeing his family when they get to the hotel room. So he jumps Christian as soon as they walk through the door. He had found sex to be great stress relief! He first pulls off Christian's ball cap throwing it to the side before going for his shirt. Christian catches his hands._

_“You sure”_

_Ian laughs._

_“Why wouldn’t I be?”_

_“You don’t want to talk more about what happened or anything?”_

_“Not right now, right now I want this.”_

_They kiss and he finally get Christian’s shirt off before going for his own. It’s a good thing they only started on the pants as they fall on the bed kissing, because a yelp makes them realize they aren’t alone._

_“Oh my god” Lorrie squealed before shielding her eyes. “I didn’t see anything I swear!”_

_They both sit up to glare at her._

_“Lorrie how did you even —“Christian starts then stops. “Never mind I know” he sighs. “Stop covering your eyes there’s nothing to see that you haven’t already, and I know you’re only faking anyway._

_“I would never” she starts to defend herself, but Christian only waves her off like he doesn’t give a shit._

_“One day we couldn’t have one day?” he ranted._

_“Sorry, but technically you did have one day”_

_Christian gives Ian an apologetic look, but Ian used to it by now only falls back onto the bed. “its okay” he assured him._

_“No it’s not” Christian argues.” I said I’ll be here for you. They can wait!”_

_Ian sits up and wraps his arms around Christian's neck from behind._

_“Yes it is! I swear I’ll be fine. You have an state to worry about.”_

_“I worry about you more!”_

_Ian kisses his shoulder._

_“I know, but I’m not going to be the one to ruin everything you worked so hard for. I might’ve been scared before today, but I’ll be fine now and it’s just one more day then I’ll be home or —“_

_He looks at Lorrie who pretends she hasn’t been watching them. She grabs for her phone. “Um, we’ll be in San Jose”_

_He looks back at Christian. “I’ll meet you in San Jose”_

_“Only a day?” Christian asks._

_“Yeah only a day”_

_Christian gazes over at Lorrie._

_“How long until we have to leave?”_

_“We need to be there by late tomorrow afternoon. So we need to leave around 10am.”_

_Christian groans and then gives her a pointed look._

_“So that gives me about 5 more hours with Ian, so can you?”_

_She jumps to her feet._

_“Right, see you in the morning”_

_“Night Lorrie” Ian calls after her before Christian turns in his arms to throw him back on the bed and kiss him again._

_**Mandy**_

_Mandy is awoken early by a heavy weight falling atop of her and she does her best to find the source and hit him across the head, but only manages to get his shoulder. He moves off her with a laugh. She blinks at him and then at the clock at the bedside table. This asshole was just getting home at 3am? And what the hell is so funny?_

_She hit’s him again. “What the fuck Lip?”_

_He leans up and kisses her._

_“I got a surprise for you!”_

_She turns towards him incredulous._

_“What? Do you even know what time it is?”_

_She sits up and turns on the light._

_“Idiot” She huffs out as she grabs for a cigarette and lights it._

_“So what kind of surprise has you waking me up at 3 in the morning?”_

_It better be good she had worked all day and night at the diner, and had just fallen to sleep exhausted at a little after 12._

_“You’ll have to see it to believe it.” He tells her before turning his back to her so he can pretend to go to sleep. She nudges him, but he ignores her. Asshole!_

_The next day is her day off so she’s sitting on the couch watching TV when Lip finally decides to grace her with his presence. She almost woke him up that morning just to be a bitch for the early morning wake up call, but he was obviously drunk or something. So she left him alone not wanting to deal with his bullshit, but when he sits beside her he doesn’t look like he has a hangover at all. He’s just really happy and that kind of scares her._

_“What’s up with you?” she wondered_

_“I told you I have a surprise”_

_“Oh yeah the one I had to see to believe.”_

_“Yeah and it will be here soon!”_

_They hear a car pull up outside._

_“Actually I think there it is!”_

_She glares at him for a minute and then gets up to see what the hell it is he’s talking about and opens the door to see a familiar figure in the driveway. He's staring at his car as if he’s trying to decide if he wants to go up to the house or to get back in the car, but the decision is made for him when he turns and sees her standing there. She wonders for an instant if she’s going crazy and hallucinating, but then he smiles at her and she hears a high pitch scream of excitement that she only barely registers came from her as she jumps into his arms, before grabbing his face and kissing him full on the lips._

_Even in his arms part of her still can’t believe it’s true. She pictured this for so long, and now he’s here! Oh fuck! Does Mickey know? She can’t believe that’s one of the first questions to pop her mind, but it is._

_**Ian**_

_Ian laughs as he puts her down and then pulls her into a full hug. Which he realizes is the first hug he found himself actually initiating and it’s a real hug. Not like the awkward one’s he had shared with his family the night before, but one that showed how much he really missed her. He had believed for so long that his family had forgotten about him. So it was a little hard for him just to act like nothing was wrong, but he had never thought that Mandy had forgotten him. Actually sometimes he still worried about her. He was always wondering if she ever found happiness. After he left they texted back and forth for months until — What? He tries to remember but he can’t! What happened? He hates that it’s like days, weeks and even months just disappeared._

_Lip comes out to join them, hugging Ian and looking around._

_“Where’s Christian?” Ian shakes his head disappointed._

_“He had to fly back to California this morning.”_

_“really why?”_

_“Work” Is all Ian answers._

_“Who’s Christian?” Mandy asks._

_“Ian’s rich boyfriend” Lip answers her._

_“Rich boyfriend huh? I guess we have a lot to talk about!”_

_She pushes at Lip_

_“Now go away!”_

_“What?” Lip objected offended._

_“I know now where you were all night. It’s my time to spend some time with him now. So go away!”_

_Lip sighs.“Fine I’ll catch up with you later okay?” he mutters to Ian._

_Ian nods and they hug again. Then Lip kisses Mandy, and just like she told him to he leaves, which is really kind of impressive._

_“how did that happen?” He asks Mandy._

_Mandy looks at him with a smirk._

_“You mean Lip actually listening to what I say without arguing? I have no idea. Maybe when he’s realized what a big asshole he is.”_

_“He did that?”_

_“Kind of, it’s not like he changed much or anything, but I wouldn’t really want him to, but he changed where it counted.”_

_“Or you have him whipped” Ian states with a smile._

_She smiles back. “Or that.”_

_Mandy takes his hand and drags him into the house and gives him a small tour before pulling him down onto the couch. She looks at him for a minute then starts crying. When he reaches for her she waves him off._

_“Sorry I’m being stupid! Wait no!” She hits him._

_“Owe”_

_“What the fuck Ian! Where were you? I kept calling and texting you, but then this asshole answers and he didn’t even know who you were!”_

_“I’m sorry I was really messed up for a while there.”_

_She looks at him wiping her eyes._

_“Really? Well you’re okay now right?”_

_He nods._

_“much better”_

_She shakes her head “I still can’t believe I’m sitting next to you!”_

_She grabs his face again. “and you look so good!”_

_He laughs and covers her hands with his own. “You do too!”_

_He sits back._

_“So you’re marrying Lip?”_

_The last time he’d seen them together Lip accused Mandy of running over Karen. So it was a little surprising to find out they were getting married._

_She shrugs_

_“Yeah I guess it was going to happen eventually right? I mean you know what the hell it’s like here! Who the hell else would Mandy Milkovich marry besides Lip or Ian Gallagher? I’m not the easiest girl to handle”_

_“Mandy” he starts, but she stops him._

_“I’m a bitch and I made sure everyone knew it and you two seemed like the only two that I actually liked. So really if you think about it, it’s not just who could handle me. It’s also that you two are the only guys in this fucking town that I can stand long enough to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t see it as anything bad Ian, really!”_

_He nods. “I guess”_

_She grabs his hand excited._

_“Wait you came back just in time! You know it’s because of you we got back together. “_

_He must look surprised by that, because she laughs. “Having to look for your ass made us have to talk to each other again, anyways.”_

_She stops making a face like she just remembered something, then curses_

_“Fuck! For a minute there I thought you just saved me from having to pick between your sisters for the wedding, but then I remembered about Lip”_

_“What about him?”_

_Does he not want him there or something?_

_“He’s going to want you for his best man!”_

_what?_

_“Why can’t Lip just have Carl or whoever he had before?” Ian wonders._

_“Carl’s been a pain in the ass about the whole thing! They’re probably already planning on pushing all the best man stuff on you. Damn why couldn’t you come see me first? I could’ve said I got to you first.”_

_He doesn’t know how to answer that except with the obvious. I didn’t know where you were, I didn’t even want to come here to Chicago in the first place, and I wasn’t going to the Milkovich house, but that would be the wrong thing to say. Instead he says._

_“He didn’t say anything about me being his best man when he told me about the wedding last night. So maybe he doesn’t want that. We haven’t exactly talked for years.”_

_She lets out a huff._

_“Believe me he does! He was probably planning on asking you today before I made him leave.”_

_Suddenly her mouth falls open in an excited O_

_“Wait if he hasn’t asked you yet then I can still say I asked you first!”_

_“Uh, okay” he replies not wanting to point out the fact she hasn’t exactly asked him either, but what would be the point now? She seems so happy about it. So it’s not like he’ll tell her no._

_She grabs her phone and her fingers move excitedly._

_“Hey guess what?” She says into it._

_Her eyes narrow._

_“No why the fuck would you think that?”_

_She makes a what the fuck face, followed by an annoyed face._

_“You’re so stupid! So you know how I couldn’t choose between your sisters for the wedding?”_

_She listens to something he says, and then angrily she argues._

_“It’s not my problem! You think I give a shit that he’s you brother? I asked him first!”_

_She listens some more._

_“Oh stop with the traditional bullshit! I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but things change, and I can have a best man if I want!”_

_She rolls her eyes._

_“I don’t care if they would look stupid walking back down the aisle! It’s my wedding! I can change that part if I want to! Carl doesn’t even want to be your best man, so why don’t you just have a maid of honor instead? Then we wouldn’t have this problem!”_

_She listens some more and looking angry and annoyed she hangs up. It rings again a minute later, but she rejects it._

_“I hate your brother sometimes! He won’t listen to anything I say, and acts like I’m the one that’s causing problems.”_

_Ian really has no idea how to respond to any of this. He hadn’t even thought about being anyone’s best man and now he had both of them fighting over him. Mandy oblivious to his thoughts and having moved on for the moment asks him about Christian._

_“So what this I hear about a rich boyfriend?” She questions taking out a cigarette and lighting it. She offers him one, but he shakes his head telling her he quit._

_“His names Christian. He wanted to meet you, but he had to fly back to California this morning.”_

_“So you’ve been in California this whole time?”_

_“For a bit, yes.”_

_“So what does he look like?”_

_Ian pulls out his phone and shows her his favorite picture. Christian had been working so he was still wearing a dress shirt, but he was home so his hair was messy from running his hands through it so much, and he has his sleeves rolled up with his jacket thrown across the room. Ian and Kat were bored so they were taking photo after photo of him. Truthfully just to see how long it would take until he got annoyed, but for this particular one Ian called out his name and he looked at him and smiled. When Kat saw how good the picture was she wanted a copy, but that smile was for him. So that was his picture!_

_Mandy takes the phone out of his hand with her mouth wide open, she drops it and then picks it up again never closing her mouth._

_“Oh shit!” she exclaims._

_“I know” he wasn’t stupid or anything, he knows how good his boyfriend looks._

_She looks over at Ian and then back down at the picture._

_“You have no idea how much I hate you right now!”_

_He smiles at that._

_“I think I have an idea.”_

_Mandy starts tapping on the phone._

_“Uh what are you doing?”_

_“Sending the picture to my phone”_

_“That’s my picture!” he protests._

_Mandy gives him a side eyed glare._

_“You have the actual guy Ian! You can share his picture with your best friend.”_

_He’s about to say he won’t even share that picture with Kat, but thinks better of it. He doesn’t need Mandy thinking shit like he replaced her. Then a thought hits him! Oh god what if she finds the pictures of him online! Better not tell her his whole name._

_“That’s just weird Mandy!” he grumbles knowing he’s acting like a child hoarding a picture, but he was happy he actually had one fucking picture of Christian that nobody else in the world had and now he had to share! “You don’t even know him! What’s Lip going to think when he finds a picture of my boyfriend on your phone?” he argues._

_“That I have eyes!” she answers easily._

_Giving up and realizing he’s getting himself too upset over a dumb picture of all things he stands up._

_“Where’s the bathroom again?” he asks. She points in the direction of the hallway and continues to go through his photos randomly sending different pictures to herself._

_When he gets into the bathroom he looks into the mirror and takes a deep breath. At least this is easier than yesterday he reassures himself, but what if Mickey shows up to see his sister? Okay well they weren’t all that close of a family, but still what if she mentions him? What can he say? With Lip here he thought that would keep Mickey away, but now, what? He remembers the last time he talked to Mandy in person. She really didn’t say much about Mickey at all, but it was made clear she was blaming him for Ian leaving. He just has to stay away from topics about leaving, but what if she already told Mickey he was back? He doesn’t know how he would feel about that. He throws some water on his face and walks out to find Mandy on his phone. He stops and just stares at her wondering what she’s doing._

_“Excuse me! Who the fuck are you? and what are you doing answering my best friends boyfriends phone?”_

_Oh fuck!_

_“Secretary? Oh sorry…”_

_She seems speechless for a moment as she listens to what must be Lorrie._

_“Yeah I just thought, but yeah that was stupid since they’re gay.”_

_She smiles_

_“Right, we have to make sure they’re alright. For all I know you could’ve been transgender or something.”_

_She nods even though Lorrie wouldn’t be able to see her through the phone._

_“and I wouldn’t expect anything less… Mhmm, oh really that’s great tell him.” She’s quite for a moment and then smiles “Tell him its Ian true love… yeah tell him that. Thanks!”_

_He leans back on the wall to watch what’s she’s doing. Suddenly her face brightens._

_“Fuck you don’t only look good, but you sound good too!”_

_He can’t imagine what Christian must be thinking right now, but he can’t stop himself from laughing. She notices him and gives him a grin mouthing I got this, and then to Christian she chokes sounding a little offended._

_“You need to ask? Who the hell else would it be? Of course this is Mandy! Do you know something else about MY Ian that I don’t?”_

_My Ian? Yeah Christian is so going to troll her for saying that, but of course she knows how to handle him._

_“Yeah he’s all mine, has been since we were freshmen.”_

_She twirls her hair with her finger, and giggles. She seriously giggles._

_“Yeah, had to settle with marrying his brother.”_

_she sits up a little._

_“I know! So I was just talking to Lip and he tells me you’re the one who made him come back.”_

_She’s quiet for a minute then Ian sees her wipe another tear from her eye._

_“Thank you! Thanks for bringing him back to me. You don’t know how much I needed him!”_

_She looks towards Ian and beams at him._

_“Yeah he is!"_

_She talks some more to Christian, before hanging up, and then after forwarding Christian her number, she finally give Ian his phone back._

_“So you’re living the good life now?” she asks. He shrugs “I’m happy” She nods “That’s good.” she stands up and hugs him again and then takes a step back to really look at him._

_“I really love you. You know that right?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_She sits back on the couch pulling her legs up under her._

_“So I talked to Lip while you were in the bathroom.”_

_He sits next to her._

_“Yeah I heard”_

_“And you know they were telling you the truth last night. Shit Debbie was looking for you long before I even stopped getting your texts, and they kind of lost it! We all did, but I also blamed them because why is it that fucking Frank can go missing and they’re all looking for him right away, but you go missing and they do nothing? It never made sense to me, but there was nobody I blamed more than Mickey.”_

_She takes a deep breath and he kind of feels sick. He wants to tell her he’s not in the mood to talk about Mickey, but she continues._

_“Nobody blames Mickey more than he blames himself though.”_

_“So where’s Mickey now anyway?” he asks her surprising even himself._

_“He's still living in the old house.”_

_“He came out you know? “She laughs. “At my Dad’s funeral. I guess it was his one last fuck you to the old man.”_

_“Your Dad died?” He asks not wanting to talk or think about Mickey coming out._

_“Yeah pissed off a guard or something and got beat to death for it.”_

_“Fuck!”_

_“I know, but” she shrugs. “We got a nice settlement out of it. That’s how I got this house.”_

_“That’s good! But still I hated your dad and everything, but I’m still sorry he died.”_

_She nods In understanding._

_“It’s okay, really it was kind of a relief. I know that’s all kinds of fucked up, but it was.”_

_Knowing much too well what she means he hugs her._

_“So” she says when they pull apart. “I guess I’m going to have to tell Mickey that your back. Too bad it’s not something I can just tell him on the phone.”_

_“Why not?”_

_She sighs._

_“Ian I don’t know everything that happened between the two of you, but I know that it was a lot, and in Mickey's own fuck up way he did care about you.”_

_“Yeah sure he did”_

_“He does! He’s just really shitty at showing it. You should come with me and see for yourself.”_

_He shakes his head frantically._

_“No Mandy I’m sorry I can’t do that!”_

_She gives him a frown._

_“Okay I get it.”_

_He reaches out and takes her hand._

_“Sorry I got you involved in my bullshit!”_

_She shrugs._

_“What are friends for?”_

_He sits back._

_“So can you answer a question for me?”_

_“Okay”_

_“How does everyone know I’m gay? Because I might be remembering wrong, but I’m pretty sure this many people didn't know when I left.”_

_She laughs._

_“Oh believe me they weren’t as clueless as you thought they were, and even if they were, after looking for you there’s no way they couldn’t have known. Ian you worked in two gay clubs.”_

_“What?”_

_She nods, thank god he didn’t remember that!_

_**Mickey**_

_Mandy walks into Mickey's house._

_“Don’t you ever knock? I could have a guy in here or something” Mickey complains glaring at her from the couch._

_She rolls her eyes at him,_

_“Sure dipshit! Show me a guy and then maybe I’ll take you seriously, besides this was my house too! I can come in whenever I want.”_

_He takes a drink of his beer._

_“What are you doing here anyway?”_

_She sits down beside him and steals his beer._

_“I need to talk to you”_

_He gets up to get another beer._

_“Yeah about what? You’re not fighting with Lip again are you? You know I don’t want to hear your relationship bullshit! If you need to stay here fine, but I’m not going to listen to you bitch about him all night. Also how many times do I have to remind you it’s your house. If he pisses you off you should just kick his ass out!”_

_“I don’t only come here when we’re fighting!”_

_“No, but you’re fidgeting like a fucking tweeker or something. So something’s bothering you.”_

_She looks down at her hands covering the beer can. Then looks back up at him._

_“So guess whose back in town?”_

_“Who?” he asks taking a drink of his beer._

_“Ian”_

_He spits out his beer and drops the can. It goes everywhere, but he doesn’t notice. He falls onto the couch no longer sure he can stand. He feels like the world had just been ripped out from under him._

_After several long seconds all he can manage to say is. “How? When?”_

_“He came back yesterday.”_

_“Yesterday?”_

_Yesterday? They’ve known about this since yesterday and just thought to tell him about it now? Mandy must know what he must be thinking because she says._

_“I didn’t know until this morning. He supposedly showed up while I was working yesterday and my stupid ass fiancée didn't think to come and get me and tell me as soon as he found out.”_

_“Where was he?”_

_“I really don’t know he isn’t talking much. He’s really closed off especially with his family. I guess he’s been angry at them for a long time now.”_

_“So you really saw him? Talked to him?”_

_She nods and looks uncomfortable._

_“Yeah he spent most of the day at my house, but then left to spend some more time with his family. I didn’t go, because I thought I should come and let you know.”_

_He can see by the way she’s acting what she’s not saying. That he spent time with everyone else, but Ian didn’t want to see him. That much he can tell._

_“Oh well fuck! So is he okay?”_

_“Yeah he’s good, better than we imagined at least.”_

_“Well that’s good.”_

_They imagined some horrible stuff._

_“Uh yeah so are you going go see him?” she asks him._

_“He doesn’t want to see me” Mickey responds._

_“So what? That's why you should go! Mickey you need to apologize to him and tell him how you feel before it’s too late!”_

_Mickey shakes his head._

_“He knows where I am when he’s ready to see me.”_

_“Mickey don’t be stupid! I’m telling you now if you wait it’s going to be too late!”_

_“I’m not stupid, but I know he isn’t here now. He seen his family and you, but not me. It seems to me like he doesn’t want to see me at all. So I’m not going to push him._

_She stands up angry._

_“Maybe you should! You were the reason he left in the first place! Don’t let him leave again Mickey!_

_She throws the beer at him and leaves._

* * *

After showing up that night at Ian and Christian’s rental place Mickey never ended up leaving and because it took another day for Ian’s friend Kat to show up with his medication, and another day for him to start recovering. That meant Ian was still constantly sleeping and when he did wake up he wasn’t all there.

It didn’t take Christian long to figure out Mickey wasn’t leaving, but he didn’t seem to care much. He hoped at first it might help Ian, but it didn’t. It wasn’t until Christian got a hold of Kat that they found out that Ian accidentally left his medication at home. Christian was suspicious about it being an accident at all, but Mickey never asked him why he would think otherwise. 

At first Mickey thought it would be torture being there alone with Christian waiting for Ian to wake up, and even if he wanted to leave he couldn’t anymore. He doesn’t know if they would let him back in. There were guards all over the place. Supposedly they had found out where Christian and Ian were staying. Christian liked to keep them out of the house as much as possible, but he really didn’t have much of a choice. 

After he left the bedroom that night, when Ian covered his head and refused to talk to anyone anymore, Christian had told him what was wrong with him. He still doesn’t understand it completely. Christian tries to help since of course Mr. Perfect started studying psychiatry after learning of Ian diagnoses, but some of it was still not clicking. Maybe he just didn’t want it to, because everything that has happened might’ve been for nothing, because when Ian gets better there’s a good chance he might not remember anything that happened since he got here. So Ian might not remember everything that happened between them or every confession Mickey made to him and that was hard to accept.

Since they were alone for so long he actually learned a lot about Christian. He had learned that Christian thought the only way to get something done right is to do it yourself. That is why he’s a senator and that’s why he had studied to be a lawyer in college. He learned Christian was a big supporter of two big charities before he even graduated from college. That even as a Senator it didn’t stop him from doing things like soup kitchens and it wasn’t even for publicity since he made sure nobody would even knew where he was, and that was something that caused a lot of problems for the people that were supposed to be guarding him all the time, but although he didn’t seem to take his security seriously at all when it came to Ian he was a little more serious. 

Ian supposedly always found ways to ditch his guards, which Christian hated, because he felt somebody would use Ian to get back at him. Ian also at times would take off and be gone for days and weeks without Christian having any idea where he was. He said things have changed after Ian got help, but at times he would fall back into old patterns like he just did after coming back here. To Mickey’s relief Christian answered all of his questions, but didn’t ask any himself. Maybe he already knew everything about Mickey or maybe he didn’t care.

“How did you hide this?” Mickey questions him, motioning towards Ian as Christian maneuvers Ian’s head off his chest and on to the pillow. Christian gives him a tired smile.

“You’ll be surprised what money can hide” he sighs, the back of his head hitting the the wall.

“I don’t care how this would look for me, but I don’t want him to come out of it with everyone knowing what he did or who he did it with. He already feels bad enough himself.”

“So he’s cheated on you before? Like this? With other guys?”

Mickey doesn’t understand why the thought upsets him so much. It’s like he’s okay that Ian cheated on Christian with him, but he didn’t like thinking of Ian with anyone else. 

Christian’s eyes narrow.

“Like this exactly no, but at times he decides he doesn’t need his medication anymore. Then he does things he shouldn’t. You know this time I was so wrapped up in my jealousy over you, I missed all the signs until it was too late.”

“So you think none of this would have happened if he stayed on his meds? You don’t think he really loves me anymore?”

Yeah it might have sounded pathetic, but he needed to know. 

Christian gives him an incredulous laugh.

“I know he still loves you! That’s why it bothered me so much! I’ve always known about you. I knew there was someone, but he never talked about it. Despite everything that’s happened it is much better to have an actual person to fight with instead of a memory.

* * *

The next morning Christian walked out of the bedroom and gave him a strange look. He wondered if this was the moment that Christian finally realized he shouldn’t let him stay in the house, but instead he just looks uncomfortable. 

“Ian’s awake. I woke up and he was already in the shower so he should be okay to talk today.” 

His words leave both men silent, and they both know this could be it. What did Ian remember about his time in Chicago? Does he remember any of it or was everything a big mistake? After a couple moments of silence Christian leaves back to the bedroom.

* * *

Ian stepped into the shower letting the hot water wash away days’ worth of sweat, but he was still drowning in guilt. He steps out to dry off and pull on some comfortable clothes that he managed to grab before escaping into the bathroom. Which really wasn’t much, it was just a pair of grey pants and a white T-shirt, but it was comfortable and clean and was just what he needed. When he walks out he looks immediately to the bed where he had left Christian, but finds him gone. He looks around and sees him leaning on the wall across the room waiting for him. When Ian’s eyes meet his he smiles and it makes Ian’s chest ache a little. 

Christian was there smiling at him like he’s done nothing wrong. Just like he did every other time that his illness got the better of him and he went crazy for a while, and just like every other time he felt he didn’t deserve it! Damn him for being so understanding! Can’t he just hate him a little? Make him feel the way he’s supposed to? Christian just stands there waiting for him patiently wearing a pale blue shirt and jeans, but now as Ian stares at him he can see a hint of pain and sadness. He can see how tired he looks and it hurts him to see him like this knowing that he had hurt him; again! How much has his relationship changed since he came to Chicago? 

Christian walks up to him and grabs him pulling him into a hug. Ian buries his face into his shoulder. He lets himself get lost in his scent for a minute. It was his true scent and not the expensive cologne that he wore to impress others, but a fresh from the shower scent with a hint of the organic soap he used. The scent he thought of when he thought about home. Not this place, not Chicago! Chicago was no longer his home. His home was in Los Angeles with Christian and Kat, and their condo in Washington D.C when Christian had to be there. He stopped thinking of Chicago as home a long time ago.

“I love you” Ian mumbles. Christian pulls back to look at his face. “Is that enough?” He asks.

Ian can only stare at him confused. Finally Christian pulls all the way back and his hands go immediately to his pockets like they do so often when he’s nervous. 

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Um sore from being in bed all week, but better” He takes a step towards Christian and is relieved when Christians doesn’t move away from him, because for an instant it looked like he thought about it.

“Christian I’m so sorry”

Christian lets out a breath then moves closer to him. He touches Ian’s face. 

“Don’t be it’s not your fault.” 

Ian let’s out an aggravated huff.

“I’m tired of this illness making excuses for me”

Christian sits on the bed.

“Then don’t let it take over.”

Oh god he knew! He knew he stopped taking his medicine on purpose. 

“You know it wasn’t an accident with the medicine?”

Christian laughs and some of the tension seems to leave his body.

“You really think I’ll believe that after everything?”

“I suppose not.”

“Well you don’t have to explain why you decided to go off your medication again right now. So don’t worry about it.”

Ian sits next to him.

“but I do have to explain other things right?”

Christian doesn’t say anything to that.

“I —” He stops as Christian turns to him expectantly.

“I don’t really know how to explain. I don’t really remember all that much” Ian lies. Okay he only lies a little, because he really didn’t remember much at all, but he did remember having sex with both Christian and Mickey a lot, and that he was content to keep doing it.

Christian looks at him skeptically, but then takes his hand.

“It’s okay. I’ve been here the past week and a half, and before that you spent a lot of time with —”

He runs a hand over his face and groans.

“Mickey” he says finally.

He knows if this hadn’t happened before that this would be a totally different conversation, but it had happened before. Just not with someone like Mickey who he actually still cared about. As if reading his mind or expression Christian continues.

“I wish this could be like before with some random guy I could just get rid of, but I don’t think Mickey is going to be as easy to get rid of. Actually I know it’s pretty impossible to get rid of him since I haven’t even been able to get him to leave since he found out you were sick. “

Ian’s eyes go wide

“What do you mean? He’s here now? He’s still around after finding out I’m like this?”

“Of course he is” says a voice from the doorway and he turns to look at Mickey.

Ian looks at him horrified and it makes him take a step back into the hallway, but then Ian buries his face in hands and starts crying. Christian starts rubbing small circles on his back and motions Mickey to come closer. For some reason Mickey does, but only to get closer to Ian. Not because he’s doing what Christian wants or anything.

Ian looks up at him.

“I’m sorry Mickey for everything!”

Mickey can’t really figure out anything he should be sorry for. Then of course things that he could be sorry for come to his mind. I’m sorry for leading you on, I’m sorry for coming here, I’m sorry for making you still think I care. He takes a deep breath.

“You don’t have to be”

Ian looks at him skeptically.

“Really?”

And then Mickey realizes that Ian really doesn’t know. He doesn’t know if there is anything he should apologize to Mickey for. His heart drops a little at that.

“Yes” he tells him.

Christian stands up.

“I guess I should let you two talk”

While you listen the whole time Mickey thinks, but when he sees the look on Ian’s face and how much he wants Christian to stay he doesn't care, because he knows what that must mean. That whatever happened between them was really for nothing. He knows that its Christian Ian wants.

“I’ll be back in a couple minutes. I just need to make a few phone calls and I really think you and Mickey need to figure some stuff out.” Christian says trying to reassure him.

Ian doesn’t look reassured.

“Okay” is all he says and Christian leaves.

Then Ian stares at Mickey and Mickey sees some resolve there. Maybe it wasn’t just that he didn’t want Christian to leave. Maybe he just doesn’t want to face Mickey yet. So does that mean he remembers?

“I really am sorry I got you into this mess Mickey!”

Mickey shrugs.

“It’s better than me throwing a drunken fit at your wedding.”

Ian gives him a tight smile remembering that’s exactly what he did at Mickey’s wedding. Mickey sits on the bed and shifts closer to him relieved Ian doesn’t move away.

“So do you remember anything?”

Ian stills. “I remember enough!” Mickey bites his lip.

“Um if you were on your meds do you think any of this would’ve happened?”

Ian closes his eyes and sucks in a breath.

“Not like this!”

Ian hugs his knees to his chest trying to stop the dull ache.

“You’re marrying him.” Mickey says and it’s not a question, but still Ian answers.

“I said I would but —"

Mickey’s head snaps towards him.

“But what?”

“That was before all this happened.”

“So?”

“So I really don’t think I belong with anyone!”

“Shut up!”

Ian gives him a tearful gaze.

“No I mean it! Damn Mickey I couldn’t stop sleeping with either of you! I was selfish and wanted to keep both of you. I think I was just waiting for one of you to give up and make the decision for me.”

Mickey scoffs “and let him win I don’t think so!”

“He a person not something to win” Christian comments coming back into the room.

“Alverez! I was wondering when you’ll show back up!” Mickey taunted.

Christian ignores him and kisses the top of Ian’s head before taking a seat on the other side of him.

“I need to head back to California to get some work done before—" He stops but they all three know what he was about to say. He needs to get some work done before the wedding.

Ian nods.

“I know I’ve kept you away longer than I should have”

Mickey decides to say something to diffuse the tension that’s building in the room.

“I thought you worked in DC!”

Christian only cocks an eyebrow at him like he’s an idiot. Well that isn’t anything new. Christian turns back to Ian.

“But I’m not leaving you here”

Shit Mickey realizes he should’ve seen that one coming! What hurts though is that Ian only nods like he knew too and has no problem leaving Mickey again.

* * *

Mickey’s still hovering around wanting to say something, and Ian’s waiting for him just to come out and say it, but he doesn’t. So is this Mickey giving up? Maybe that’s for the best, but it does hurt. For so long Mickey was just a memory. Someone in his past who he loved, but thought would never love him back. Just a childhood broken heart that never got better, but with Christian it was starting to with every kiss, every smile, every touch, but now here Mickey is right next to him, close enough to touch. He was no longer just a memory, but somebody that had waited for him, and was as brokenhearted as he has been all these years, but it’s different now, and no matter how much he tries he still doesn’t remember all that happened here. He knows Mickey apologized and told him he loved him, but is that enough? After all these years?

It might’ve been enough before Christian, but he doesn’t know anymore. Christian had become his whole life, and no matter how many times he’s fucked up Christian was there waiting for him, and ready to clean up any mess he made. He loved him from the start and nothing Ian did changed that, and he didn’t need to do anything to get that love. It wasn’t ever something he hoped happened it just did. Christian just loved him for who he was. Even though he could have anybody else, and he loved Christian more than he thought possible. Christian’s love didn’t only save him from his life, but also from the heartbreak he had over his family and over Mickey.

He knows that some might think he took the easy way out with Christian. That’s probably what Mickey will think, but that’s not the truth, because nothing in his and Christian’s relationship has ever been easy. In the beginning he kept waiting for Christian to tell him to either fuck off or to break up with him in fear of being outed. He had everything to lose when he choose Ian. He could’ve lost the election and his family. Shit he did lose his Father who cut him off when he announced he was gay, but that didn’t stop him.

Mickey makes an irritated sound and leaves and Kat takes his place. He seen her checking in on him, but she must’ve know Mickey wanted to talk to him because she didn’t interrupt them.

“How are you feeling?”

“Horrible!”

She nudges him in the shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”

He lets out a heavy sigh.

“Everything! You have no idea what I’ve done.”

She lifts up his left hand and gives the gold band a twist.

“Well this is still here, and he’s still here so it can’t be that bad.”

His head gestures outside.

“So I guess you know Mickey by now?”

“Mickey? Yeah, he came to me looking for dirt on Christian the first night I was here, why?”

“He was kind of my boyfriend when I was in High school. It ended really badly! I had come here with the intention to” he sighs again “I don’t know, to finally let go I guess. To show him I made it despite everything, but for the past few weeks I’ve been sleeping with him instead.”

Her mouth opens wide for a moment and then she shuts it.

“and Christian” she asks.

“I’ve been sleeping with him too.”

She shakes her head at him with a laugh.

“Nice to know, but does he know?”

Ian nods.

“Yeah he’s known the whole time.”

She laughs a little uneasily.

“Wow I don’t even know what to say. So he’s okay with it and having Mickey here? I been wondering why Mickey’s been sticking around this whole time, but they didn’t tell me any of this. Now that I know, I actually can’t believe Christian has been letting him stay here.”

“It’s weird right? Sometimes he makes no sense to me whatsoever. Last week he was threatening to kill Mickey and now here they both are just hanging around, and I don’t get why he keeps putting up with me! He can have anybody he wants, but he chooses me why? “

“Because he loves you, and he knows you’re sick.”

“That’s not an excuse!”

She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Must I remind you of his cousin?”

Christian has a cousin who is Bipolar, and she had created scandal after scandal for his family. Christian had told Ian that once during a manic period she was sleeping with up to 5 guys a day and had over 20 on standby. It had got to the point that everybody had lost all respect in her for them to finally find out she had a problem.

“So tell me about Mickey” Kat says to distract him.

“He was the neighborhood bad boy, he was good looking, and he was so—” He pauses for a moment. ”people didn’t know him like I did. At times I seen the real him. He acted tough, but he really just needed somebody to love him and care if something happened to him. He drove me so crazy sometimes!”

“and it made you love him even more?”

“Yes! When I had seen him again I realized I still did. Even though I thought I was over him, but all the feelings came back and I wanted to punch him and kiss him at the same time. “

She grabs his hand and holds it.

“It’s going to be okay! So what are you going to do?”

“Well I guess I plan on getting married in a couple weeks if Christian still wants to.”

She smiles at him.

“I like that plan. So what about Mickey?”

He’s quiet.

“I don’t know” he finally says.

* * *

Mickey wants to ask Ian why he’s leaving and if that means it’s over for good. That he choose Christian, but he can’t do it because he doesn’t want to hear it yet, but he’s known since the moment Ian agreed to go back home with Christian that he chose Christian. So yeah he’s a little pissed right now, and he watches Christian from the kitchen watching TV like there’s nothing wrong, and yeah there might not be for him, but why does he always have to be the nice guy? Why has he let Mickey stay here? He knows Christian had a reason, but he never shared it with him. So now it’s starting to bother him, because maybe this was why. Maybe Christian wanted to embarrass him! To show him that when Ian came out of it, that it was Christian he wanted to be with!

So Mickey studies Christian for a moment. His cool exterior is so annoying! Why can’t he just let Mickey know how he feels about him? Where is that guy that threatened to bash his skull in? Okay he was a little too preoccupied worrying about Ian, but any normal person would have at least of punched Mickey by now.

“I think I hate you” Mickey tells him surprising himself.

“You think?” Christian asks with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah”

Christian shakes his head.

“No I really don’t think you do. I think you want to, but you can’t and you hate that.”

“You don’t know me!”

“No I don’t and you don’t know me, but what you do know about me isn’t enough to hate me. You just hate I exist. On the other hand I have plenty of reasons to hate you.”

Mickey sits down across from him ignoring his last statement, because of course he hates him! He made sure of it.

“Yeah you’re right I do hate that you exist! Everything would be easier if you weren’t around.”

Christian glares at him.

“No it wouldn’t! I know you want to blame me for everything, but you have to really think about everything I told you. If I didn’t find Ian when I did where do you think he’ll be right now?”

He had a point, but still there was a chance Ian would’ve showed back up by himself sooner or later and then they could’ve helped him get better. Mickey could’ve been the one there for him instead of Christian.

“I don’t know” he answers honestly.

“Christian can we talk for a minute?” Ian asks from behind them. They both look back at him. “Yeah” Christian answers and then with one last look to Mickey they leave.

Kat walks in as soon as they’re gone. He hasn’t really talked to her much. She was Christian and Ian’s friend so he really didn’t feel a need to.

“You’re fucking White Horse!” She states.

He gapes at her.

“Excuse me?”

“White Horse it’s a song by Taylor Swift.”

“I know Ian played it for me”

She looks amused by that.

“So I’m right! It is you? You’re an asshole!”

“Asshole? Wait you’re the friend he said was obsessed with Taylor Swift?”

“Yes, and White Horse isn’t the only song we dedicated to you just so you know.”

“Really? What else”

She frowns at him.

“Like I’ll tell you! I’ll just say White Horse was just the first to break through to him, but after that I taught him how much music can help people deal with their feelings, and there were a lot of songs that was dedicated to you after that, but since I never knew your name we just called you White Horse since it was the first.”

He stares at her intrigued. Maybe they can tell him how Ian was feeling. That is if she’ll tell him what the songs are.

“You can’t tell me anymore songs?”

She seems to think that over.

“Umm… Maybe I should.”

“Maybe?”

She sits up and looks at him leaning her chin in her hands.

“Maybe then you’ll know how much you really hurt him.”

Does he want to know?

“Wait, did you both give Christian songs?”

“Of course we did! He even played the game with us after he found out. He never knew any of your songs though. Ian never wanted to talk about you, but the songs told me enough at least. Like the type of person you are and that you treated him like shit! So what are you doing here now Mickey?”

She sits back to study him waiting for him to give her some answer to make her think he’s worth it, but he doesn’t know if he can.

“I’m not the same person I was back then”

“Really?”

She smiles and then jumps up to grab her purse. When she does she hands him a small notebook and a pen.

“Well why don’t you play the game then Mickey?”

“Game?”

“Yeah we call it the Soundtrack of my life. Mostly whenever we hear a song that fits with something in our life, we tell each other "add that to the soundtrack of my life". It’s been going on for a while now, and I think I’m the only one that knows all three. Mine, Ian and Christian’s because there’s just some songs they will never tell each other about.”

“Like?”

“Again why would I tell you?”

“To let me know what kind of relationship they have.”

That gives her pause.

“Okay well since you know about Ian’s Taylor Swift song for you. I guess I’ll tell you Christian’s for Ian”

“Why not Ian’s for Christian?”

“Well because he really doesn’t use Taylor Swift songs for Christian.”

After Ian played White Horse for him Mickey had Jessie get him all of Taylor Swift’s songs, and now knowing what her songs were like he’s kind of upset Ian never felt that way about Christian. It’s not like all of her songs were about someone breaking her heart, but a lot of them were. So now he knows Christian never made him feel that way.

“How many Taylor Swift songs did he dedicate to me?” He asks.

“I don’t know for sure, but like 6 I think. So you’re really on my shit list Mickey!”

He really wants to say so what, because why should he care if she likes him or not, but then he remembers Ian will care.

“Well can you tell me some of those too so I can tell you if I changed?”

She thinks about that for a while.

“Um I guess if he told you about White Horse I suppose he wouldn’t care if I told you at least a couple more. “

He waits as she pulls another notebook out of her purse.

“You keep track?”

“Of course” She answers offhandedly as she reads. He flips the page in the notebook she gave him so he can write down the songs she tells him and re listen to them later

“No, no, no, yes! Here’s one I Knew You Were Trouble, and” She eyes him warily. “Oh never mind I’m not telling you that one and especially not this one!”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t do that to him! If he wants to tell you about them fine, but I won’t because he grew a lot since then, and I don’t even know if they matter anymore!”

He decides then he has to find some way to get that book from her. She looks up at him again.

“Okay here is two more You're Not Sorry and Cold As You”

“Are you serious? I mean I don’t remember every word, but I know those three are really—"

“What bad? I can’t believe you know so much about Taylor Swift songs.”

“After Ian played White Horse I had my friend get her albums for me, and you still haven’t told me Christian’s song for Ian.”

She grins at him wickedly.

“Everything Has Changed”

She stares at Mickey smugly like he can’t beat that and with Taylor Swift he doesn’t know if can, but then he picks up the notebook changing back to the first page and writes down a song, and rips it out to hand it to her. She looks down at the paper and her mouth quirks a little.

“Red huh?”

She gives him a real smile.

“That’s well, that’s a good one maybe you should tell him about it, but don’t forget you have a list to make. One song isn’t going to do it for me! Also pronouns don’t matter, but sometimes we use studio covers. ”

“What’s a studio cover?”

“You know people doing covers of songs. Now they’re multiple versions of almost every song so it’s easy to find a female version of a male song and vice-versa. It helps sometimes with those pronouns.”

“Wow you really take this shit seriously!”

“Well yeah! I don’t know about Christian, but Ian and I make a lot of playlists. It helps sometimes when we are feeling certain ways. Come to think of it those playlists probably helped him a lot after coming here. “

“Like remind him how much of an ass I am?”

She gives him a sad look.

“I meant what I said about Red! Just work on your list! It might help him to know that you were thinking of him too.”

She walks out of the room humming Red. She passes Ian and mouths something at him when he gives her a what the fuck are you up to look, and then he walks over to Mickey and sits beside him looking down at his hands.

“I just talked to Christian, and I thought I could just go back like nothing happened, but I can’t this time. I owe you a real explanation.”

“Okay”

“So Christian said he told you I have bipolar like my Monica.”

“Yeah, but If it’s okay I rather you tell me what happened.”

“Um well the symptoms started not long after I left. I really don’t know how to explain it really. Sometimes I felt so happy and thought I could do anything and then at other times I couldn’t get out of bed. I can’t actually remember everything that happened during those happy times, but in a way it helped. It didn’t matter that I was sleeping with strangers for money or doing drugs. I thought it was fun and then Christian showed up. I didn’t ever understand what he saw in me, but I knew he wanted me and I used that to advantage for a long time. I played him and ran from him and truthfully I don’t even know how many times I cheated on him, but he always found me and took me back. Then after one last bad incident he finally had a doctor look me over. “

“And that’s when you found out you were sick?”

“Yeah”

“And Christian being Mr. Perfect never left your side did he?”

Ian shakes his head no. ”Christian always knew there was something wrong with me. I know that now, but he still loved me and put up with my shit. I think that’s why Christian wants to help Monica so much, because he knows in a way I’m like her, but with Monica she never wanted help. She likes the way she is, and I thought I was fine too until I realized how miserable I truly was, and I knew if I didn’t stop acting so stupid I would lose him. There’s only so much you could put someone through and I put him through a lot, and I lost too many people by then so I couldn’t lose him too, but that last night before the depression took over he almost left because of you

“What?”

“That is actually one of the clearest memories I have from when I was manic. He was leaving me! He gave up on me!”

“So why is he still here?”

Ian smiles like he knew that was the first thing Mickey would ask.

“Because I asked him to stay. I should’ve let him go it would’ve been the right thing to do after everything, but I was selfish and I didn’t want to lose either of you. Now Christian feels all guilty for almost leaving like he did. He says that if he wasn’t so jealous of you that maybe he would’ve noticed the signs sooner, but you have always been this thing in my past that I couldn’t let go. So instead of thinking I was manic again he just thought he was losing me to you. It also didn’t help that you turned out the way you have. If I showed up here and you still acted the way you did when we were younger then maybe I wouldn’t have fell for you all over again, but I did and I shouldn’t have. I know I sound like an asshole, but truthfully Mickey if I knew when I came back that I would’ve found you like this. Then I never would’ve gotten with Christian to begin with. I never would have fallen in love with him, because I always loved you and up until he showed up truthfully I didn’t see my life leading anywhere else but right back to you.”

Mickey really doesn’t know how to take that, because he admitted that he still loved him, but that Christian changed things and he loved him too. So is it going to be like the past few weeks all over again? Or is he saying it’s too late?

“Ian just tell me are you still marrying him or not?”

Ian looks up at him and looks Mickey in the eyes, and Mickey can see that it looks like he’s about to cry.

“Yeah I am, it’s not that I don’t still love you Mickey, because I do. I think I always will, but I’ve changed and grew up, and too much has happened for me to go back to that.”

Mickey sits forward squeezing his hands together. No after all this time he’s not going to let him off that easily. Especially now that he doesn’t even know if Ian knows how he really feels or how much he cares. He won’t let all this time be a waste, but what can he do? Ian obviously made his choice. He thinks back to his conversation with Kat and her last sentence. Can songs really help him understand how he feels better? He thinks for a moment about telling him everything again, but what if Ian remembers and still made this choice. He might have to tell him again, but first he’ll use this song thing first.

“Somewhere by Within Temptation”

“What?”

“Kat told me that you all like to put your life in songs well that specific one explains how we all felt while you were gone. I didn’t even know it existed until one day I walked in and found Mandy, Fiona and Debbie listening it to it on shuffle. They said it helped so I got it and it’s really fucking depressing, but it was the way we felt. Just in case you forgot what I told you, maybe hearing it will help you remember that I missed you too and looked for you, and just like everybody else I couldn’t stop until I knew you were okay, because I loved you and I hated that I never told you how I felt.”

He grabs his stuff and leaves, but as he walks out the front door he sends a text to Mandy and Jessie.

Mickey:

> “Meet me at my place I need your help. “

* * *

**Sometime later**

Christian and Kat looked all over for Ian, but finally found him on the floor in the guest room beside the bed with his phone next to him listening to a song curled up in a fetal position.

“Ian what’s wrong?” Christian asks grabbing him and pulling him up into his arms.

Kat takes the phone and looks at it.

“What’s this?” she asks.

“I was so mad at them and hurt, but I didn’t know how much they were hurting when I disappeared for so long.”

“What are you talking about?” Christian asks.

“That song, Mickey said they used to listen to it when I was gone.”

Kat’s eyes go wide while Christian asks why he told him that.

“Because someone” He looks at Kat “told him how we use songs to cope with things, and supposedly they used this one to cope with my disappearance. He told me about it before he left.”

“Wait he left?” Kat asks.

“Yeah after I talked to him he just told me that and left.”

Kat looks at Christian.

“Can I talk to him for a minute?”

Christian looks confused.

“Okay” he gets up and walks out leaving them alone.

Ian lies back on the floor pillowing his head on his hands.

“Um Ian it’s not the song that has you this upset is it?”

“He left” he replies quietly. “He didn’t even try to argue! He just left!”

"Shit!" She lays a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“What did you want him to do? Keep fighting for you even after you told him you made up your mind?”

“I don’t know, maybe! I just wanted him to do something or have some kind of reaction, but all he did was stand up and tell me about that song. He said in case I still thought he didn’t look for me or care.”

She sighs

“That’s probably my fault I gave him some songs from your White Horse playlist.”

“What the fuck! Why would you do that?”

She shrugs

“I don’t know, because I’m a bitch and wanted to let him know he hurt you.”

Ian sits up.

“So do you think this might’ve been him thinking I would be better off without him or something?”

“Wouldn’t he have said that?"

Ian falls back to the ground.

“Maybe he just gave up”

The song stops for an instant as Ian’s phone alerts them he has a text message. Since Kat’s holding it she turns the song off and opens it. Her eyes widen.

“Wow just in time” She tells him.

He looks at her confused “for what?”

“You just got a text from Mickey”

“I did?” He grabs it.

Mickey:

> #2 Just A Dream - Megan Nicole

He’s about to respond what does that mean when he realizes Kat’s gone.

“KAT?”

She runs back in the room with her notebook.

“What’s going on?”

She smiles

“Mickey’s making his playlist for you like I told him.”

“You told him to make a playlist for me?”

“Yes I told him some of your songs for him and told him to show me why he was here in the first place. Don’t get me wrong I’m totally team Christian, but after I told him what an ass I thought he was he gave me his first song and it was sweet.”

“Wait so he left to make me a playlist to prove to you he still cares about me?”

“To prove to you too! See he didn’t just give up on you. I guess he just decided to let music talk for him instead.”

Ian looks down at his phone again.

“Just A Dream - Megan Nicole is that a Nelly cover? Because if it’s the Carrie Underwood song then I don’t get it.”

“I don’t know let’s see.”

She takes the phone from him to download it and then plays it. Ian can’t stop from smiling as he listens to the lyrics. Kat smiles bigger.

“He’s good at this!” She says.

They listen to the rest of the song and Ian can’t help but replay it instantly.

“So what was the first song?” he asks.

“Red” she answers as Ian’s phone goes off again and they both jump for it to read what the next song is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of you might be mad at this chapter, but the story isn't finished yet. There's a big twist coming up soon, but after me and my sister talked this through we realized the hard truth, that this story is based off Season 3 Ian and Mickey. Even though season's 4 and 5 gave us a lot of Ian and Mickey relationship growth, none of that happened when it comes to this story. So we figured this was the best choice for now. Just think about it and maybe you'll understand. Forget everything that happened in the season's 4 and 5 and think if they never happened where Ian and Mickey's stories left off. Please don't yell at me, and be patient, because believe me this isn't it.
> 
> ALSO PLEASE NO SEASON 6 SPOILERS! I TRIED MY BEST TO AVOID THEM THIS YEAR!

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any prompts or ideas you can contact me on tumblr at uprysing.tumblr.com


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